{"id":89,"date":"2007-04-30T07:55:48","date_gmt":"2007-04-30T12:55:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/velcroblog.com\/?p=89"},"modified":"2007-04-30T10:30:35","modified_gmt":"2007-04-30T15:30:35","slug":"domo-arigato-mister-roboto","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/velcroblog.com\/?p=89","title":{"rendered":"Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Last night, Bobby and the crew left Colorado with a mission:<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.velcroblog.com\/images\/braves07\/sandcrawler.jpg\"><\/p>\n<p>Selling some <a href=\"https:\/\/velcroblog.com\/?p=59\">robots<\/a>. <\/p>\n<p>I imagine it went a little something . . . like this:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/oakland.athletics.mlb.com\/team\/coach_staff_bio.jsp?c_id=oak&#038;coachorstaffid=224103165435\">Bob Geren<\/a>: Huston! Huston!!<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/oakland.athletics.mlb.com\/team\/player.jsp?player_id=434718\">Huston Street<\/a>: Yah, coach?<\/p>\n<p>Bob Geren: Tell Billy that if he gets a centerfielder to be sure it speaks <a href=\"http:\/\/oakland.athletics.mlb.com\/team\/player.jsp?player_id=430897\">Stoner<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Huston Street: It looks like we don&#8217;t have much of a choice, but I&#8217;ll remind him. <\/p>\n<p>(Huston walks over to Billy, who is examining a motley crew of our expendable players, lined up in front of our <s>sandcrawler<\/s> private jet.)<\/p>\n<p>Billy Beane: (Glances at Langerhans) I have no need for an outfielder who can&#8217;t hit.<\/p>\n<p>Langerhans: Sir &#8212; not in an environment such as this &#8212; that&#8217;s why I&#8217;ve also been programmed for over thirty defensive functions that . . .<\/p>\n<p>Billy Beane: What I really need is a centerfielder who understands the language of <a href=\"http:\/\/dugout.progressiveboink.com\/archive\/nick120.htm\">the stoners I&#8217;ve got in my outfield<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Langerhans: Sir, my first major league job was working alongside Andruw Jones!<\/p>\n<p>Billy Beane: And that relates how?<\/p>\n<p>Langerhans: Why do you think he&#8217;s smiling all the time? <\/p>\n<p>Billy Beane: Maybe he&#8217;s just happy.<\/p>\n<p>Langerhans: He&#8217;s also <a href=\"http:\/\/www.velcroblog.com\/images\/from-tyro\/scaresyou.jpg\">afraid of frogs<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Billy Beane: I see. (turns to Bobby) I&#8217;ll take this one. And that one, too (points to Woodward). Huston, take these two down to the clubhouse. I want both of them greasy and unshaven before Tuesday&#8217;s game.<\/p>\n<p>Huston: But I was going to drive down to San Francisco to go to yoga class with Zito!!<\/p>\n<p>Billy Beane: You can waste time with the other hippies when your chores are done! Now come on, get to it!<\/p>\n<p>(Bobby and Billy begin to negotiate. Billy takes a few bucks out of his pocket, and Huston walks toward the <s>homestead<\/s> Coliseum with Langerhans and Woodward. Smoke starts pouring out of Woodward.)<\/p>\n<p>Huston: Billy!! This utility infielder . . . sucks!! Look!<\/p>\n<p>Billy Beane: (To Bobby) Hey, what are you trying to push on me??<\/p>\n<p>Bobby: (Incomprehensible fussing)<\/p>\n<p>Langerhans: (Points to Orr) Excuse me, sir, but that utility infielder is in prime condition! A real bargain.<\/p>\n<p>Orr: (Whistles and beeps in excitement)<\/p>\n<p>Billy Beane: Uh. No thanks.<\/p>\n<p>And so Langerhans heads off into the night, toward his new home:<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.velcroblog.com\/images\/braves07\/langcamel.jpg\"><\/p>\n<p>Who knew Langerhans could ride a camel? I guess that&#8217;s how it works out in California. Don&#8217;t worry, Langy, your new home looks a lot more hospitable in the light of day:<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.velcroblog.com\/images\/braves07\/mcafee.jpg\"><\/p>\n<p>Well, sort of. Enjoy starting in centerfield and trying to figure out American League pitching &#8212; should be interesting! I think a change of atmosphere can only do him good.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Last night, Bobby and the crew left Colorado with a mission: Selling some robots. I imagine it went a little something . . . like this: Bob Geren: Huston! Huston!! Huston Street: Yah, coach? Bob Geren: Tell Billy that if he gets a centerfielder to be sure it speaks Stoner. Huston Street: It looks like [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[16],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/velcroblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/89"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/velcroblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/velcroblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/velcroblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/velcroblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=89"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/velcroblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/89\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/velcroblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=89"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/velcroblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=89"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/velcroblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=89"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}