Velcro Vernacular

How happy did Orr look last night, knowing he made the 25 man roster? Kind of makes you want to slap him, eh? He had a decent spring, and Prado would be wasted on the bench, but it’s still sad to see him get sent down in favor of our little Canadian pal. I’m starting to think Orr is Bobby’s illegitimate kid from the Toronto coaching years or something.

So, our first game back in Turner Field is a one-run loss. And Huddy had his trademark “one bad inning” in his last spring training start, resulting in a loss to the Indians. But hey, I’m still optimistic! Chuckie gave up his requisite two home runs in the game last night (though one just barely stayed in for an RBI double), but otherwise looked good. Frenchy swung at the first pitch, uh, a lot, if not every time — there was one point where they hadn’t even come back from commercial yet and he was already flying out to center. But Chipper hit a homer. Redman is starting the home opener, but Cormier’s shoulder is coming along fine. It’s going to be okay! It’s all going to be okay . . .

How interview-heavy are all these broadcasts so far? ESPN and Sports South both love dugout interviews right after a player is yanked — I’m still wondering if they’re going to try to pull that off during the real games. Incidentally, I’m pretty sure last night was the first time I heard Chuckie speak, but I felt like I’d heard him a million times before, because he sounded exactly like I expected.

Frenchy just WALKED.

First one of the spring! During our last game in Florida, naturally.

Also, he’s the team’s player rep? Apparently? I find that funny. Maybe it’s the kind of thing the older guys just schlep off onto the most gullible youngster.

You know what, Terry, when Frenchy comes up to you and says he wants to improve his plate discipline, your response probably shouldn’t be “yeah, right.” You can think it, I don’t blame you, but damn. As if the press isn’t giving him enough of a (deserved, but still) complex. How many times now has he had to repeat that he looked at tape of Heap in the offseason? I wonder if he regrets admitting that yet.

Did anyone else see the random hot blond sitting next to Bobby in the dugout at the start of the game last night? She was wearing a jersey and everything. She disappeared pretty quick, but I had a couple conspiracy theories in mind when they were playing like the What The Hell Did You Guys DO Last Night? Braves for a few innings there.

Everybody go read Talking Chop’s interview with Gonzo, it’s a masterpiece. And don’t forget to watch the game against the Mets at 1:00 on ESPN. And check out this Dugout about the A’s if you’re so inclined. It’s my favorite of the spring training strips so far.

Great image from Dave O’Brien’s blog today: Diaz lost part of a tooth during batting practice, as I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, and here’s Dave’s description of the ordeal:

He was knocked to the ground by the impact, but got up and finished his round of batting practice as teammates and others looked for the bottom half of his damaged tooth, though it was doubtful that anything could be done with it.

I know the news about Cormier is depressing, but dude, they helped him look for his tooth! That’s fuckin’ teamwork! I’m so proud. And who are these “others” who pitched in? There were just random people hanging around who volunteered to look for part of poor Diaz’s tooth? Well, heck, that seems like a good sign, too.

I want to know who made the “You really look like you’re from Lakeland now!” joke. Because (as someone who went to school down there and really loves the area, mind you) that guy is my new favorite. Dave tastefully declines to identify him, simply quoting him as “another Brave.”

I’m going to have to disagree with Dave’s estimation of Frenchy as the new “Golden Boy,” rather than Heap (who he gives “no offense” props to). I do think Heap is the Golden Boy in the eyes of most fans at the moment — Frenchy is like Golden Boy’s slightly evil but still mostly likable sidekick. Like maybe he defected from the bad guy’s camp and we’re not quite sure he’s on our side all the time? But probably he is? Something like that.

Cormier just came out of the game with some kind of injury. Something happened on his right side, or possibly to his right arm, haven’t heard what yet . . .

And I was just wondering what sort of omen Diaz getting his tooth chipped while watching batting practice was. A bad one, apparently.

Update: It’s “shoulder stiffness,” according to Pete. So who knows.

Man, how badly are these spring training games starting to drag? It’s going to be a long week, but at least we’ll have the real games soon. I can’t even get excited about this Aybar drama, personally.

Chuckie did well today against the Nats, Huddy was good against the Tigers yesterday, and Hampton is ahead of schedule, now projected to return around May 7th. I wish they had televised the game today, because I don’t think I’ve seen Chuckie pitch all spring, and Diaz was involved in a run-down with “five players” on the Nationals trying to tag him at one point, according to Pete. I would have liked to see that.

They’re advertising something called the Braves Leadoff Luncheon on the radio broadcasts. How great is the look on Heap’s face in that ad? But anyway, for a hundred bucks you can have lunch with the Braves — sort of. They’ll be in the room, at least. It looks like you have to pay $1000 to guarantee that they stick one of them at your table — but if you shell out $500 more, you get to pick the player, “based on availability.” I think I would pick Renteria, since he’s kind of quiet and mysterious. Though watching Paronto eat might be fun.

The title of this post was stolen from Pete, who made a “Chico and McCann” joke when Heap came up to bat against the Nats’ starter. Ha ha, Pete.

My notes from the game on ESPN today (we beat the Phillies 7-4), and explanations:

Chipper mohawk? — Did anyone else notice that Chipper was rocking this kind of half-mohawk thing? The hair on the side of his head was shorter, and on top it was pointed in kind of a v-shape. Is that just how his baldness pattern is working out or what?

2 ESPN announcers said Braves would win the NL East! — They sounded a little cavalier, but I thought it was funny, since ESPN seemed to really revel in the end of our division winning streak last year, and many mainstream media predictions had us finishing third even at the beginning of spring training. Suddenly we’re getting talked up a lot — I still credit Gammons for setting that trend.

(In other news, this is only the second Braves broadcast I’ve watched on ESPN, and I already want to strangle John Kruk, which is unfortunately impossible, as he is not currently in possession of a neck).

Brett Myers - hidden away - HA! — Apparently Myers was afraid to pitch to us today, thinking he would give away some of his opening day magic, and pitched in a minor league game instead. Jesus. There has been a lot of talk about the Phillies’ weak bullpen, but I’m not too worried about their starters, either.

Frenchy: Heap — boxers — donuts — I hope everyone saw that little in-game interview with Frenchy. Asked about his amazing rookie year, he told Kruk and friends he had a “horseshoe up [his] rear end” that year, and told them Heap was at home watching the game in his boxers and eating donuts. C’mon, Frenchy, we all know he was watching the game while swimming through his Scrooge McDuck-style pile of money and eating caviar. Seriously, though, funny to think that Heap was watching that ESPN broadcast from his couch like the rest of us, donuts or not.

Gonzo licks his fingers a lot — Self explanatory, I think.

Also: bye, Tony Pena. I was pleasantly surprised with you this spring, and I’m glad we got pitching for you. Sorry it’s Kansas of all places.

Joe Mauer is injured, hopefully not badly, but they’re still checking him out. He has the precursor to a stress fracture, and right now they’re predicting that he’ll be sidelined for just “a few days.”

Hearing about any catcher’s injury always makes me wince, particularly when he’s Heap’s American League twin. I have been traumatized by injuries to catchers over the years, from Todd Hundley’s elbow to Greg Olson getting flipped upside-down and carried off the field on a stretcher. Last year was right up there, even though Heap wasn’t out for too long. It was still pretty sad to see him taken out when he was doing so well, and he of course lost his chance at a batting title because of the injury. Also, losing Heap was either a terrible omen for the June that immediately followed, or the others were just too depressed to play well without him. Hey, it’s possible, look at him:

Over in the comments on Chop-N-Change there have been a couple of recent discussions about moving Heap to first. Even though I always end up respecting catchers more than any other players, and really appreciated the mentions of Heap’s brilliance in handling a pitching staff in the articles about his new contract, it’s a tempting idea. We wouldn’t lose him in the lineup every fifth day, and wouldn’t risk the possibility of losing him for a whole season after a collision at the plate. Also, catching typically shortens your career in general, just from the everyday wear and tear.

I don’t know that you could ever completely sell me on this, though. I think Heap makes a difference as a catcher even for pitchers like Smoltz. Sticking him on first would be a considerable waste of his talents. Then there’s the problem of replacing him as a starting catcher: Salty? I’d rather see him at first. Based on what I’ve heard about his attitude (from Eddie Perez, even!), I’m not sure how well he would really handle a pitching staff. But I’d prefer Thor at first, depending on how he does this year. I’m pretty firmly in the “trade Salty” camp, which of course translates to keeping Heap at catcher. But if Salty had an amazing year in the minors and we had to go through another Heap injury this season, I might be more inclined to consider moving Heap to first. Until then, I’ll just be biting my nails every time Frenchy makes the dreaded throw home from right.

Of course, with Frenchy around, playing first can be pretty dangerous, too. I guess Heap wouldn’t have to worry about that, since they’re on the same team — I don’t think there is anyone else in the league with Frenchy’s first-baseman-killing potential.

I’m so mad that I’m not at home to capture this image, but if you go to the Braves official website right now, on the front page there is a story about Heap signing a six year extension cycling through their news links. If you click on the actual story there is a doofy picture of Heap accompanying it, but the picture associated with the story on the main site is one of Langerhans batting! How insulting, really! Pretty funny, though. I’m sure it will be fixed by the time I can actually get home to take a screen shot.

Update: They’ve already fixed it, changed it to the picture of Heap that I use in my title graphic, ha!

As for the actual story, signing Heap for as long as possible is a pretty “no duh” move, but it’s good to know Heap will be getting a nice salary through his arbitration years. Frenchy is apparently also in contract negotiations with the Braves, and reportedly asked for “double” what they offered. That’s our Frenchy! Here’s hoping they bitch slap him with a salary just slightly smaller than Heap’s yet again.

My boss, who is a big Braves fan, came up to me yesterday to chat about the games that were on TV over the weekend. She also mentioned that she’d seen one of the many Chipper interviews where he insinuated that the team had lost its “hunger” after so much success in the division for so long, and she was impressed that he had acknowledged this. I don’t think I’ve seen a single broadcast or mention of the Braves in any mainstream sports coverage all spring that hasn’t made the same suggestion: they were “bored” before, and now they want it more.

The marketing department, after years of relying heavily on the long string of division championships to promote the team, really loves this angle, too. There is a commercial on the internet radio broadcasts (not sure if it’s on the AM/FM broadcasts, too) that basically starts out talking about how awesome the Mets are (or were, last year), then assures fans that the Braves are ready to kick some ass now that they finally have a real rival to inspire them to greatness.

As a marketing strategy, it’s a pretty effective way to turn last year’s disappointing season into something to get excited about this year, but I personally don’t buy it at all. I don’t think anyone was bored or really didn’t care last year. They all looked absolutely devastated on a regular basis, and I think they were really humiliated. I’ll never forget the night in Tampa Bay when they finally broke the ten game losing streak and went nuts like they had clinched a playoff spot, they were so relieved.

I think they actually suffered from trying too hard last year in the absence of reliable starting pitching. The hitters were really pressing and constantly swinging for the fences to try and come up with a big moment that would compensate for Hudson’s mediocrity and Ho-Ram’s mood swings (he actually admitted at one point that he screwed up the first game in a really important series against the Mets because he was nervous — I was at that game, and it was just embarrassing, especially because Turner is Carpetbagger Land and there were Mets fans everywhere). The relief pitchers were overworked because of problems with the starting rotation, and they were so freaked out by the responsibility that they drove themselves into the ground. Even Chipper seriously looked close to contemplating suicide when he watched all of this helplessly from the bench.

I really don’t think the problem was that no one cared, and I don’t think renewed “passion” is going to do much for us this year — they would have done anything to keep the streak going last year, they had passion then. I’m hanging my hopes on the starting pitching, though admittedly the Cards won the Series last year with Carpenter and not much else. But was that a REAL World Series? Sometimes I wonder. Last year was a really strange year for baseball, I’ll tell you what. This picture illustrates it perfectly, I think:

And speaking of marketing, has anyone heard the “Jeff Francoeur and the Atlanta Braves” commercial? It might actually be the same one that talks about taking on the Mets in the division race this year. I like Frenchy as much as the next person, but c’mon. Even if he is having a great spring, “Jeff Francoeur and the Atlanta Braves” is false advertising on the “Dale Gribble Bluegrass Experience” level. I do like the commercial with three teenage girls wearing Francoeur jerseys, where the announcer says something about coming to Turner to see “the sights,” and Frenchy materializes before them. I sort of love it when they advertise Frenchy like this sideshow attraction we happen to have: “Come to Atlanta and see the world famous HANDSOME MAN!”

We beat the Indians yesterday, and today is an off day. I’m really upset that the game wasn’t televised yesterday: Heap had a stand-up triple? Just, how? Did the outfielder lose the ball in the grass for awhile? I’m so sorry I missed this — even Bobby described the experience of watching Heap run to third as “fun.”