V Vernacular

10/07/2007 (11:36 am)

Best And Worst of 2007

Filed under: 2007

How delightful was it to watch the Phillies get swept? Go Rockies! Now, please enjoy my dumb opinions about the year. I’ve included the winners (and losers) from last year to add some perspective. Let me know what you guys think of my choices.

Best All Around Player: For me, it was Matt Diaz. His defense improved so much, and I knew that it would if Bobby just showed a little faith in him. And his offense never faltered. I’m sure the Braves will try to sell him to Japan again this offseason.
(Last year’s winner: Heap)
Runner-Up: Chipper
(Last year’s runner up: Smoltz)

Worst All Around Player: Mark Redman. No contest.
(Last year’s worst: Reitsma)
Runner-Up: Chris Woodward. WHAT THE HELL WAS THE POINT?!
(Last year’s runner up: Brian Jordan)

Best Surprise: Peter Moylan
(Last year’s best surprise: Matt Diaz)

Worst Surprise: Andruw Jones
(Last year’s worst surprsie: Tim Hudson)

Best Game: For me, it’s a tie between coming back to beat the Phillies in the 8th and 9th after we were down by six runs, and the last game I went to this season, when Devy got the win and we won in the 11th.
(Last year’s best game: September 17th against the Marlins)

Worst Game: Another tie, between all three games of our last homestand against the Mets, who were phenomenally awful at the end of the year, but still held us to like half a run throughout the series. What a joke.
(Last year’s worst game: HoRam’s meltdown in the first game of an important series against the Mets on July 28th. We ended up getting swept that time, too.)

Most Energetic: Yunel Escobar
(Last year’s Winner: Marcus Giles)

Least Energetic: Bob Wickman
(Last year’s winner: Adam LaRoche)

Best Sponsorship: Sonic, for using Joe and Chip in a “commercial”
(Last year’s winner: Rinnai Tankless Water Heaters: The Official Water Heater of the Atlanta Braves!)

Most Annoying Commercial: That fucking “Keno” piece of garbage.
(Last year’s worst: “It was CARRIE!!”)

Most Entertaining Phrase from a Commercial: “Cole slaw,” as said by Heap in the Sports South promo where they talk about their least favorite foods. I don’t know why, but I laugh out loud every time I hear him say that.
(Last year’s winner: “separate cat rooms” from a radio commercial for a pet service)

Most Uses of the Word “Awesome”: Heap
(Last year’s winner: Heap)

Biggest PR Disaster: Wicky. Everyone was all too happy to out him as an asshole after he got canned.
Runner-up: Chipper jumping at the chance to go off on Smoltz.
(Last year’s disaster: HomeboyGate)

Smartest Marketing Ploy: The AT&T All Star of the Game. Getting the players to sing karaoke on the jumbotron was a classic move, though I’d credit Frenchy before the
marketing department, because I’m sure it was all his idea.
(Last year’s winner: The McMansion Tours)

Stupidest Marketing Ploy: Jerome Jurenovich in general
(Last year’s stupidest: the MC Hammer video)

Best Announcer: Pete really impressed me even more than usual this year.
(Last year’s winner: Skip)

Best Broadcast Line (Televised): Everything Skip said on his last TBS broadcast.
(Last year’s winner: “You’ve just gotta go out there and be like, ‘Look, Dontrelle'” -Gant)

Best Broadcast Line (Radio): “Now he’s kicking dirt at Wegner — twice! Three times! Four! FIVE! SIX!!” — Pete, on Lou Pienlla’s meltdown in Chicago.
(Last year’s winner: “We used to have a fan in here, but I guess Fox took that, too.” -Skip)

Best Miked Player: Salty. Every word was priceless.
(Last year’s winner: Diaz, for his time traveling baseball player question that no one answered.)

Worst Miked Player: Heap improved a bit this year, but he was still kind of dull compared to Chuckie, Moylan, Paronto, Willie, and the others who were miked.
(Last year’s worst: Heap)

Hottest Player: Salty by miles. He’ll be missed.

Hottest Wife: Yunel’s. I believe her name is Minerva.

Best Screw-Up (?) By the Camera Crew: They showed a woman holding up a sign that said: “CHIPPER, SEND CHILD SUPPORT” for just a second after a commercial break in the 2nd one night.

Best Hobby: The Connect Four tournaments
(Last year’s winner: Todd Pratt’s Everquest addiction)

Best Fan Club: Salty’s Shakers were the only ones who really grabbed my attention this year.
(Last year’s winner: Edgar’s Eggs)

Biggest Fan of Heap: His brother Brad. And the article about the two of them was my favorite of the year.
(Last year’s winner: Jeff Torborg)

Most Overrated Managing Strategy: Any and every use of Pete Orr.
(Last year’s most overrated: lefty-righty platooning)

And some new categories for 2007:

Best Use of Telekinetic Powers: Frenchy, for shutting the stadium lights off with his mind after getting thrown out.

Most Anti-climatic Record-Breaking Event: Bobby breaking the all time ejections record. It happened between innings — I was there, and nobody noticed.

Most Matching Dogs: Heap & Frenchy. I think they’re up to five or six dogs between the two of them.

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I’ll be back to post some of the best AP photos of the year later on today.