Post-Labor Day Weekend

I was there for the Friday and Saturday games this weekend (it was like being kicked repeatedly while a bunch of Mets fans said “Jose” in a whimsical manner), and I watched all of Sunday’s delightful reprise, and today’s game . . . and yet I feel completely out of the loop. It’s sad when you get excited about returning from a vacation because you can once again obsessively check things online. Comments! Email! Three day old quotes! Boring AP photos! What did I do with myself for four days, besides watching actual baseball games??

Apparently I missed a lot. Wicky got canned because he offended Prince Frenchy (among other things, obviously, but still)? A sandwich may or may not have been involved? Smoltz has declared the season dead (as someone who did the same thing after both the Friday AND Saturday games — it was dead on Friday, but it was deader on Saturday, or at least, it bore repeating — I can’t exactly blame him)?

Everyone, please fill me in. Assume I know nothing. I want every Cynical Joe rant, word for word, and of course a full description (with visual aide, if possible) of any significant looks and/or gestures exchanged in the dugout, and for God’s sake, someone tell me what the near Frenchy throw down looked like on TV. Yes, I was on my feet screaming “GET HIM GET HIM” (or something like that — it was a completely instinctive response, hard to recall exactly) because at that point I would have counted the weekend as a relative success if I’d just seen Frenchy clock a Mets pitcher in the face (I mean, they hit Yuney! He had to miss a game! And then Frenchy, and all we do in retaliation is throw at the feet of The Most Exciting Player in Baseball?? These are the Mets! Let’s take a few down with us, eh?).

Things you missed while you were not at Turner Field, watching them play like maybe they personally hate you:

–This was my first experience with the Braves shuttle. It drops you off in a pretty bad part of town. Thanks, Braves! Also, even if you’re on a late shuttle and the game is starting in five minutes, they have this weird barbershop quartet get on the bus and sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.” I’m not even complaining, it’s just — what? On Saturday I got to ride the shuttle with about twenty extremely loud Mets fans, and their ringleader was — no exaggeration — falling down drunk at four o’clock in the afternoon. He could barely talk. Someone needs to tell that guy that college football season has started — he no longer needs baseball games as an excuse to start drinking at six AM on Saturday.

–The Friday game was stunningly bad, as you know. When we left to get the shuttle, the fireworks started up, and they were exploding right over the area where the shuttle was loading, so ash was raining down on us. This was actually the highlight of the evening. It improved my mood immensely, and I’m not even being sarcastic. Also worth the price of admission on Friday was David Faustino (from Married with Children) singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” while quite clearly high, and my husband asking why he wasn’t in the Bud Zone.

–Worth the price of admission on Saturday was Frenchy and Huddy singing karoke on the jumbotron. Frenchy is frightening when he sings (again, I’m not really kidding, there’s something kind of dark about it), but Huddy was pretty funny. Huddy won the competition (based on votes texted in by fans) with 92% of the votes, while Frenchy only got 8%. They showed both of them in the dugout after the results where announced, and Frenchy tried to hide it, but seemed a little offended. I noticed this afternoon that my recent rage toward him has suddenly subsided. Couldn’t tell you why, really.

In other news, I got a job on Thursday, so pretty soon I’ll be working full time. I’ll try to keep up with the blog postings, but there may be a brief adjustment period. Also: I really need to scan the September picture on my Braves pet calender (for the love of God, someone tell me I’m not the only one who has this thing). It’s a picture of Heap with his dog, and they both look so over this photo shoot, which was unceremoniously done on the curb outside his house, making it even better — it’s hilarious.







22 responses to “Post-Labor Day Weekend”

  1. RainIsBeautiful Avatar

    Also: I really need to scan the September picture on my Braves pet calender (for the love of God, someone tell me I’m not the only one who has this thing).

    And that’s not even his dog anymore! Stupid Catie. When I liked Frenchy more (earlier in the season), it was actually Frenchy month two months in a row because I refused to have a picture of Chipper hanging in my house.

    Friday’s game, live: David Faustino is a bobblehead, no? The fireworks show was the best I’ve seen so far (I think this was #6) — they timed it to music from the James Bond movies, and the “Goldfinger” suite was almost all gold fireworks. That was gorgeous.

    Saturday’s game, on TV: you missed my favorite Aussie Pete Moylan reading off the lineup on Fox. He had clever names for a couple of the guys, but really, I just loved hearing him talk. He could read me the obituaries and I’d just grin stupidly at him.

    1. Jenny Avatar

      And that’s not even his dog anymore! Stupid Catie.

      Are you kidding me???

      McBeta took the dog, too????!??

  2. RainIsBeautiful Avatar

    If I’m not mistaken, the white and tan dogs live with Frenchy/Catie, and the black and tan dogs live with Baby/Ashley. Something about not splitting the brother dogs up? (And I’m not saying they’re living together; I don’t know about that.)

    Funny thing about the future Mrs. McCann…I showed my roommate the picture in the new Chop Talk of McCann, Johnson, and Francoeur with their fiancees, and pointed out that KJ is the only one who seemed interested in his girl. (Baby and Frenchy were leaning in towards each other, and you can’t see one of Baby’s hands at all.) My roommate jerked the magazine away, pointed at Ashley, and said, “She’s so…country! Why is he with her?” Heh.

    1. Jenny Avatar

      Something about not splitting the brother dogs up?

      Oh, the irony.

      the picture in the new Chop Talk of McCann, Johnson, and Francoeur with their fiancees, and pointed out that KJ is the only one who seemed interested in his girl. (Baby and Frenchy were leaning in towards each other, and you can’t see one of Baby’s hands at all.)

      Argh, I just renewed my subscription, so I hope I’ll get this one . . . how long ago did you get it? Also, do you have access to a scanner? ;)

      1. RainIsBeautiful Avatar

        I’ll send it to you when I get home! This is a great issue — if you miss it, definitely get a back issue. There are some great “family” pictures, including one of the Diaz clan (cutest. family. ever.) and one of Pete Moylan’s wife and their two girls. Oh, and the pic of little Carter Carlyle and little Druw Jones! Druw’s on his way to being a lumberjack, but Carter’s not having any of it. Heh.

        1. Jenny Avatar

          I actually just got mine in the mail today, but thanks for offering.

          It makes me sad when McB wears the blue contacts, and Jesus did she bleach the hell out of those dark roots. But yeah, Matty’s family is too cute, and I love how Smoltz’s son looks all edgy now. I wonder if he plays baseball?

          1. CARTER Avatar

            Jenny, I have really enjoyed reading your blog, but lately, it seems that you are getting a little too much enjoyment out of bashing the wives of
            these guys. I mean, why are you spending so much time worrying about the color of someones hair or eyes. I don’t know, maybe it’s a guy thing, but jeez I sure wouldn’t feel good having myself picked apart the way you seem to be doing lately. Let’s get back to the Braves, not the wives, and let the humor begin.

          2. Jenny Avatar

            Well, I understand your point, but do I really make fun of the wives? I did one post about them (after asking if people would be interested in such a thing and getting a big “yes”) that was insanely popular (I got a ton of hits because apparently people just want to know what they look like), and I don’t remember saying anything mean. I complimented several of them!

            And this post had nothing to do with the wives, some people just brought it up in the comments. Sorry for the dig at Catie’s hair, I just thought it looked better when it was less blonde . . . granted, I would never make a post about such a subject, but these are just comments, and I can’t guarantee that they will always be 100% scintillating for everyone.

    2. Leah Avatar

      I thought they said Catie got another dog like Frenchy’s? It was like a puppy or something though when she got it, but I don’t know. I didn’t know they took Tyson away from Heap, that’s mean. :( But I knew that Ashley and Mac got some more from a picture of them with the dogs.

      I saw that picture too. Ashley, country? She looks she stepped out of a fashion magazine. I know she majored in fashion design and is also working in her family’s boutique, but she looks kind of high maintence to me. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me. But then again Heap in a way does, too, but I doubt he’s got that mentality though. Maybe he just likes buying really nice things. I doubt he’s let the money get to his head, I don’t think Heap would do that. He seemed pretty down to earth yesterday at the game in the bullpen before the game. He was waving at people on his trek out there and waved smiling his smirky smile at the little boy next to me. His expression was so cute! Ok, sorry for getting carried away, heh.

      1. Jenny Avatar

        Yeah, she did get another dog. This is the first I’ve heard of Heap surrendering his original dog for like, the greater good or whatever. At this point, anything involving the ongoing Dog Saga wouldn’t surprise me.

        1. Leah Avatar

          Well, still. Can’t the dogs see each other a lot without having one going to the other? I wouldn’t think Heap would just let Frenchy have the dog after having it for a while. You’d think he’d have gotten attached to it to let it live with Frenchy, but who knows? I thought they were doing another Pet Calendar this year because it was on the promo calendar at first, but I looked in July on the promo calendar and I couldn’t find it anymore.

  3. 22oz Avatar

    Whats this thing about Wickman and the golden child? I was at Hilton Head watching it rain nonstop for 2 days this weekend. Thank goodness for tv and xm radio, i didn’t miss any of the horror.

    1. Jenny Avatar

      According to this, Wicky “lashed out” at Frenchy. I really can’t imagine what about, or why they would even be around each other that much.

      1. Tara Avatar

        Discarded closer Bob Wickman’s troubles with the Braves began weeks before he was dumped, when he lashed out at RF Jeff Francoeur. Bobby Cox is the game’s most patient manager when it comes to players, but Wickman learned what happens when Cox has had enough. . . .


        Pretty sure it was $hitty pitchin’ that Bobby had “had enough” of…would hate to think he dumped Wicky because of clubhouse back-biting.

        And why would Wicky be upset with Frenchie? Homegirl hits the field every day and has done a great job of bein’ more disciplined at the plate this season……Wicky jealous.

        1. Jenny Avatar

          LOL — Okay, I’m watching this crap game right now, and I really needed to hear someone refer to Frenchy as “Homegirl” in order to brighten my evening. Thank you.

  4. gracie Avatar

    You all have to post these pictures ya’ll are talking about. You’re killing me here!

    Congrats on the new job! I hope it doesn’t take too much time from your blog. It is truly hilarious!

    1. Jenny Avatar

      Thank you! I have the same hope. I’ll try to do a picture post tomorrow . . . maybe I’ll even post the picture of Rent with his goldfish, also featured in the pet calendar.

      1. Bethany Avatar

        Love the blog, as usual, it’s hilarious! You have to post the picture of Rent with his fish.. just sounds pretty funny and I don’t have a calender or get the magazine, so I miss out on all the fun photos :(

    2. RainIsBeautiful Avatar

      Here are a few to tide you over until then, Gracie. My scanner isn’t as good as Jenny’s, but you can get the idea:

      Baby Diaz

      The Moylan Girls (Isn’t his oldest girl angelic-looking?)

      Druw Jones and Carter Carlyle

      Braves Family Day, page 1

      Braves Family Day, page 2

      These are the notes I sent Jenny on that last page:

      1. Isn’t the Diaz family the cutest little family ever? I totally want a baby that cute one day.

      2. The one with the Three Amigos…
      2a. KJ and his fiancee seem very into each other (for now, heh).
      2b. This is the pic where my roommate said Ashley looks “country”. Baby…doesn’t seem interested, really. “Oh, you want me to put my hand on her shoulder? OK. Is it okay if my other hand is cupping Kelly’s ass?”
      2c. Catie talks in a very loud cheerleader-voice in my head. She’s all, “HI! THIS IS A PICTURE OF ME! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THERE ARE FIVE OTHER PEOPLE IN IT? WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT THEM? STOP IT. I WILL CUT YOU.” Meanwhile, Frenchy eases toward his bodyguards…

      3. Kade Hudson is rivaling Nathan Diaz for cutest Baby Brave, for real.

  5. thekatcameback Avatar

    Still worshipping at the church of farnsworth?

    neat heap 16: Am i a bad catcher if i don’t like apitcher?
    farnsworthalot: ummmmm. well, it depends
    farnsworthalot: why dont you like em
    neat heap 16: mean to frenchie.
    farnsworthalot: whos mean to frenchy?
    neat heap 16: wicky was!
    farnsworthalot: how was he mean to him
    neat heap 16: ok, don’t tell anyone because this is like the biggest secret in the entire sporting world! Ok?
    farnsworthalot: …..ok
    neat heap 16: Wicky took his sandwich and then called him a fatty.
    farnsworthalot: dude
    farnsworthalot: its bob wickman
    farnsworthalot: hes the definition of fatty. he cant talk an he knows it
    neat heap 16: but ALSO don’t tell anyone, but thats’ the reason Bobby let him go!
    farnsworthalot: really, is it
    neat heap 16: yeah.
    neat heap 16: also, because he was kind of an asshole.

    1. Jenny Avatar

      Haha . . . I actually hate the real Kyle Farnsworth, but the Dugout-created fandom version of him is freaking awesome.


      neat heap 16: ok, don’t tell anyone because this is like the biggest secret in the entire sporting world! Ok?


  6. gracie Avatar

    Aw, thanks, Rain! Those are great pictures.

    “Is it okay if my other hand is cupping Kelly’s ass?” Sweet Jesus, that is too funny!

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