V Vernacular

05/15/2008 (6:06 pm)


Filed under: Chipper

You knew it was coming. Didn’t you??? Goddammit.

Somebody needs to stay in his hotel room and watch Conan O’Brien when he’s up in Philadelphia. Cause some of those ladies at the bar are Phillies fans, my man. This plan of action may also be useful in New York. Your groin — and your fans! — will thank you.

I keep catching myself thinking that we lost last night. Somehow it felt like we did.

03/31/2008 (8:14 am)

“Mistakes Were Made”

Filed under: Chipper,Heap,Huddy

Here’s a quote from Heap in the AJC article about last night’s game:

“We made some mental mistakes on the bases early . . .”

We, Heap?

That game had a surreal feeling to it. Things went a little too perfectly for the Nationals on the night of their new stadium’s opening and in the presence of the President, and we looked like a bunch of clowns (save for Huddy, who was fantastic). And to cap it all off with a walk-off homer by Zimmerman? Psssh. I demand a full investigation!

What was Chipper doing during the national anthem? Crossing himself? Since when is he Catholic? I did enjoy his typically forthcoming therapy session with the press. “Zim put us out of our misery” is a particularly excellent Chipper quote to start the season.

02/08/2008 (9:06 am)

You Asked For It, You Got It

Filed under: Chipper,Preseason

Last year I complained that we didn’t get a truck story.

This year? Behold.

Clearly this is a sign that I have become a real mover and shaker in the Braves blogging world. I’m sure Chipper will be showing up in my “chat room” to call me a douchebag any day now.

05/07/2007 (8:02 am)

“He Wants to See the Kid Hit!”

Filed under: Chipper,Salty,Skip

Chipper’s fury after that check-swing call by Davidson was pretty glorious, and based on his post-game quotes, I don’t think he calmed down for quite awhile afterward. I wonder if all those dogs they had at the park yesterday were barking along with him?

The official site collected this quote on the incident:

“Looking at it in slow, slow, slow motion, it could have gone either way,” Jones said. “But that’s not even what made me mad. The fact of the matter is he looked over at our dugout — when Bobby stepped out, he [leaned toward our dugout], waited on Bobby to open his mouth, couldn’t even tell what was said, and he threw him out. That’s what upset me.”

Pretty diplomatic, admitting the call could have gone either way, then carefully explaining that he was only sticking up for old Bobby.

The AJC included these little gems in their coverage:

“Bob Davidson feels like the thousands of people in the park come to see him. He’s always been like that. It’s a joke among the players.”

“It’s a shame the cameras have to put [Davidson] on TV for 30 seconds.”

That’s the Chipper I know and love! I just hope Davidson doesn’t end up calling any playoff-clinching games for us down the line . . .

Skip had his dog (Larry Caray) in the studio during the broadcast, and apparently he got pretty excited when Salty came up to bat. Skip laughed and said, “He wants to see the kid hit!” I have to agree, Larry. I tried to keep an emotional distance from Salty, knowing we had no place for him, but he’s definitely grown on me in the past few days. I know the possible scenarios for keeping him have already been talked to death, so I won’t bother, but I think I may actually be moving into the Keep Salty camp for the first time.

04/21/2007 (9:58 am)

Larry Loves NYC

Filed under: Chipper,Frenchy,Huddy

Is it just me, or was that game about ten minutes long? I had such a great time watching it, it was over too soon! But I certainly appreciated Huddy’s quick innings — he has truly blown me away so far this season. I was one of Huddy’s biggest detractors last year, and it’s so nice to finally be able to like him. I probably said “Huddy, who are you, I love you!” about eight hundred times last night.

Could that game have been any better? Chipper’s first-pitch homer, Huddy snapping David Wright’s hit streak (I was praying that would happen, even though I like Wright — it just had to be us who killed it dead, it was too perfect), Frenchy walking in a run, baby pictures of Heap (including that one with full-grown Smoltz, oh my LORD), Rent calling out a Mets fan who was fucking around with a laser pen (nice confidence in your team there, and 1995 called, it wants its lame prank back), Smoltz bullying Orr in the dugout, and Frenchy bragging that he has not been eating fruits and vegetables as his doctor ordered — man. I enjoyed the hell out of every minute.

Sic ‘em, Chuckie! Kick ‘em when they’re down!

03/23/2007 (4:52 pm)

Baseball: Best Enjoyed In Your Boxers, With Donuts

My notes from the game on ESPN today (we beat the Phillies 7-4), and explanations:

Chipper mohawk? — Did anyone else notice that Chipper was rocking this kind of half-mohawk thing? The hair on the side of his head was shorter, and on top it was pointed in kind of a v-shape. Is that just how his baldness pattern is working out or what?

2 ESPN announcers said Braves would win the NL East! — They sounded a little cavalier, but I thought it was funny, since ESPN seemed to really revel in the end of our division winning streak last year, and many mainstream media predictions had us finishing third even at the beginning of spring training. Suddenly we’re getting talked up a lot — I still credit Gammons for setting that trend.

(In other news, this is only the second Braves broadcast I’ve watched on ESPN, and I already want to strangle John Kruk, which is unfortunately impossible, as he is not currently in possession of a neck).

Brett Myers – hidden away – HA! — Apparently Myers was afraid to pitch to us today, thinking he would give away some of his opening day magic, and pitched in a minor league game instead. Jesus. There has been a lot of talk about the Phillies’ weak bullpen, but I’m not too worried about their starters, either.

Frenchy: Heap — boxers — donuts — I hope everyone saw that little in-game interview with Frenchy. Asked about his amazing rookie year, he told Kruk and friends he had a “horseshoe up [his] rear end” that year, and told them Heap was at home watching the game in his boxers and eating donuts. C’mon, Frenchy, we all know he was watching the game while swimming through his Scrooge McDuck-style pile of money and eating caviar. Seriously, though, funny to think that Heap was watching that ESPN broadcast from his couch like the rest of us, donuts or not.

Gonzo licks his fingers a lot — Self explanatory, I think.

Also: bye, Tony Pena. I was pleasantly surprised with you this spring, and I’m glad we got pitching for you. Sorry it’s Kansas of all places.

03/18/2007 (5:25 pm)

“Dude, I Might Be Able To Throw”

We won both of our games today, Hudson looked good, Heap and Frenchy almost simultaneously hit homers while playing across town from each other, our top outfield prospect (whose name is Jones, naturally) looked great at the plate, Chipper’s injury is minor (again) and hell, even on the Hampton front, things are looking up: he’s “amazed” with his relative health. Good news all around for the Braves today.

I think the best broadcast moment of the season may have already occurred. Sports South showed our game against the Tigers today, and right at the start of the ninth inning, they came back from commercial and showed one of the Disney vendors dancing around in the outfield picnic area, presumably trying to sell sodas or whatever the hell was in the little black cooler he was slinging around. I wish I had recorded this game so I could post a video — there is no way I can accurately describe the manufactured fey-ness of this gentleman. I guess Disney wants their vendors to act like “characters,” but he was clearly terrifying the fans out there, who all stared at him in horror as he skipped around with maniacal glee. He also appeared to be singing.

Anyway, Joe of course had to comment on this. Without the slightest hint of amusement, he says in disgust (and if you’ve never heard Completely Disgusted Joe, well, I guess you weren’t watching the games in June last year, but anyway it’s a treat): “Obviously, whatever he had in that container he’s already consumed.” To which Sciambi says, “Scary to think there might be more.” Not bad, Sciambi!

UPDATE: Thanks to commenter Dave for directing my attention to actual video of the vendor dancing! It is the greatest/scariest thing you will see all night, I promise. Also, I was wrong on one point: I thought everyone in the picnic area motionlessly stared at him like he was insane, but there is actually ONE sort of sketchy looking, possibly drunk guy down by the fence who is clapping and encouraging him. Look for him toward the end, he’s pretty incredible himself.

03/14/2007 (7:50 am)

Open-Minded Frenchy??

The game last night was a fun one to watch, despite the rookie pitcher Acosta who threw it away in the 9th.

Bobby probably has Nam Flashback-like memories of pulling pitchers after last year — he didn’t look too happy when he had to take Acosta out in the 9th.

Hitting looked good, relief pitching was excellent (until Acosta and the random rook who followed), and Huddy was, well, pretty good. Not bad, I guess. He still looks shaky with his location, and he gave up some hits and two runs. I don’t know — he wasn’t bad, but he looked an awful lot like the Huddy of last season, which makes me nervous.

Last night was the first Sports South broadcast of the season, and our first look at Jon Sciambi, the new announcer who will be working with Joe. To be honest, I found myself tuning them both out. Not intentionally, but the broadcast didn’t really captivate me. I did like their interviews with Frenchy, Chipper and Heap from the dugout. Hopefully these broadcasts will liven up a little bit throughout the season — one of my favorite broadcast moments of last season was Joe screaming, with complete sincerity, “OH MY GOD, LOOK AT THOSE COOKIES!” during a shot of the Devil Rays’ Lexus-Level type buffet area, which featured a giant tray of chocolate chip cookies. I also love Cynical Joe, who was of course constantly present after June last season, and in fact morphed into Angry Joe toward the end of the year. I actually thought he was going to physically attack Don Sutton a few times.

During the dugout interview with Frenchy, I almost fell off the couch when he said — TWICE — that he watched tapes of Heap hitting in the offseason! No wonder he’s been consistent during spring training. I’m really impressed that he would swallow his pride and do that, and especially admit to it, good job, Frenchy. Chipper said that his foot was fine, he could have stayed in the game Monday but didn’t want to risk it, and also mentioned that he works on his swing with his dad, which is interesting. Heap of course had them both beat, bringing up his engagement and saying he “found the right woman,” then blaming himself for being bad luck when the Astros got the lead during his interview. Aw, Heap, don’t be so hard on yourself.

In other news, they cut poor, beleaguered Joey yesterday. Hopefully he’ll come back later this season with some confidence, or at least looking less like he thinks the other players are giant spiders who want to eat him.

03/12/2007 (7:22 pm)

“They Seem Like They’re Annoyed”

Filed under: Chipper,Davies,Heap,Preseason,Videos

We lost to the Cardinals today, but Smoltz was great, Heap went 2-3, and Chipper’s injury sounds pretty minor. Yates somehow managed to give up a home run to Rick Ankiel, of all people, which is probably not a good sign. Frenchy is continuing to hit pretty consistently in these spring training games (he got a couple of hits today), and hopefully he’ll keep it up. We beat the Cards yesterday: Davies fooled around out there with quite a few walks, but ultimately didn’t give up any runs, and Gonzo was again underwhelming, but I’m not too worried about him.

I found this Topps trading card video with some pretty funny interviews of Braves players. You get to hear Moylan’s accent, and Diaz is wonderfully dweeby as usual. McBride’s voice kind of shocked me — I didn’t expect him to actually sound like a grown man. I love the photographer they interview at the end, who says players “seem like they’re annoyed” when they get dragged in to have their picture taken. That kind of honesty is rare in major league baseball.

03/12/2007 (12:24 pm)

Bunions 1, Chipper 0

Filed under: Breaking News,Chipper

Chipper just got taken out of our game against the Cardinals – something happened with his right front foot during his first at-bat. It probably has something to do with the bunions that nearly defeated him last year.

Ugh. Hopefully it won’t take long to correct. To be honest, I’ve never quite understood the story behind Chipper’s feet. I suppose I could if I did a little research on bunions, but I’d rather allow them to remain somewhat mysterious, I think.

Orr has come in to play for him, which feels like the worst omen possible.

Update: It’s actually a “mild sprain” of his left ankle, and he’s now listed as day-to-day. I think this is good news? Better than the lingering bunions, I hope.

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