V Vernacular

03/23/2007 (4:52 pm)

Baseball: Best Enjoyed In Your Boxers, With Donuts

My notes from the game on ESPN today (we beat the Phillies 7-4), and explanations:

Chipper mohawk? — Did anyone else notice that Chipper was rocking this kind of half-mohawk thing? The hair on the side of his head was shorter, and on top it was pointed in kind of a v-shape. Is that just how his baldness pattern is working out or what?

2 ESPN announcers said Braves would win the NL East! — They sounded a little cavalier, but I thought it was funny, since ESPN seemed to really revel in the end of our division winning streak last year, and many mainstream media predictions had us finishing third even at the beginning of spring training. Suddenly we’re getting talked up a lot — I still credit Gammons for setting that trend.

(In other news, this is only the second Braves broadcast I’ve watched on ESPN, and I already want to strangle John Kruk, which is unfortunately impossible, as he is not currently in possession of a neck).

Brett Myers – hidden away – HA! — Apparently Myers was afraid to pitch to us today, thinking he would give away some of his opening day magic, and pitched in a minor league game instead. Jesus. There has been a lot of talk about the Phillies’ weak bullpen, but I’m not too worried about their starters, either.

Frenchy: Heap — boxers — donuts — I hope everyone saw that little in-game interview with Frenchy. Asked about his amazing rookie year, he told Kruk and friends he had a “horseshoe up [his] rear end” that year, and told them Heap was at home watching the game in his boxers and eating donuts. C’mon, Frenchy, we all know he was watching the game while swimming through his Scrooge McDuck-style pile of money and eating caviar. Seriously, though, funny to think that Heap was watching that ESPN broadcast from his couch like the rest of us, donuts or not.

Gonzo licks his fingers a lot — Self explanatory, I think.

Also: bye, Tony Pena. I was pleasantly surprised with you this spring, and I’m glad we got pitching for you. Sorry it’s Kansas of all places.