A List Of Things I’m Mad About, Followed By A Hiatus

I’m going on a little mini-vacation starting tomorrow and won’t be back online until Labor Day evening at the earliest. We’re actually going to be downtown all weekend, and we’re going to the Mets games on Friday and Saturday, but we’re staying in a hotel that charges like twenty bucks a day for internet access, and I don’t really feel like crawling around the Peachtree Center food court with my laptop at any point this weekend, so screw it, I need a break from the many hours I spent online every day anyway.

But before I go?

Things I’m Mad About!

1. Smoltz barking at Heap last night, on the field, in the most bitchtastic manner possible, after a botched play on first that Heap had nothing to do with. You kidding me? If you’re going to be That Guy when we’re losing, Smoltz, please direct your anger at someone with an ego at least somewhat proportional to yours, so at the very least we can have another media blowout to entertain us as the season draws to an underwhelming close. When Heap threw that ball into centerfield shortly afterward, I had to cringe and hide my face. That’s what happens when you pick on him, Smoltz! Everything Heap does wrong can be traced directly back to other people’s faults, but readers of this blog of course know that by now.

2. Normally I wouldn’t bother, but this here blog features an exclusive “fuck it, I’m going after the owners” quote from Andruw today, so I read it. I got as far as “sartorial tastes” before I regretted eating breakfast beforehand.

3. Finally, you know what has really been making me mad lately? Frenchy. I’ve felt irrationally angry whenever I’ve seen him for the past few weeks. I keep telling myself to lay off a little bit, because he’s improved a lot this season — or at least it looked that way for awhile. Recently, it’s like he just dumped everything and went back to vintage April 2006 Frenchy, because that’s exactly what this team needs right now. His flailing, bent-at-the-waist strikeouts last night were just unbelievable, and the fact that he got himself thrown out really pissed me off. He’s been sniping at umpires constantly for the past week or so, cause it’s got to be SOMEBODY ELSE’S FAULT, right, Frenchy? Sometimes tirades are well deserved, such as Teixeira’s a week or so ago, when the game ended on a strike call though the pitch was a foot off the plate. But when Frenchy is swinging at stuff that is three feet off the plate without a moment’s hesitation, does he really expect a lot of leeway from umpires? Oh, and I’m so sick of the elbow knock. I blame Frenchy for it entirely.

I also blame him for this:

I don’t blame hapless Orr for trying to get out of the way, or Andruw for trying to overcompensate, but still. Next to “Pete Orr” in the baseball encyclopedia? This picture, yes?



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10 responses to “A List Of Things I’m Mad About, Followed By A Hiatus”

  1. Brave Dawn Avatar

    Yeah, the Frenchman has been irritating me also. Let him pull one home run and he starts again with his best Andruw imitation for the next ten games. What exactly did the little whiny one say that got him thrown out? Of course, most of the time he is one of my boys, but right now maybe Smoltz needs to yell at him instead of the nicest ballplayer ever. Was he actually yelling at him, though? I could not tell what he was saying.

    1. Jenny Avatar

      I’m not sure what Frenchy said, but it definitely involved the letters “uck” in some way. At first I thought he said “that was fucked!” Little Miss Sunshine-style, then later it just looked like he said the call “sucks” or something.

      Smoltzy might have been yelling at someone else/just yelling abstractly, true . . . but I’m sure Heap would assume it was his fault, anyway. ;)

  2. RainIsBeautiful Avatar

    I had a whole reply typed out, and my stupid computer decided to reboot. Grrrr… Okay, here goes.

    1: Smoltzie may have fallen off my Lurve List with that show last night. I watched it several times, and it got worse each time. Baby didn’t do anything wrong, but after having Smoltz dress him down like that — on the field! — I don’t blame him for being a little shaken. As usual, I want to snuggle him and feed him cookies while we watch The Lion King until he feels better. (Why ‘The Lion King’, I don’t know. I’ve never even seen this movie in English. It just looks Heap-like, I guess.)

    Forgive me for not remembering the exact quote, but Joe Simpson said something about how Smoltz was yelling at Mac about where he set up.

    2: Andruw really doesn’t want to be a Brave next year, does he? He’s certainly not doing anything to endear himself to the owners or managers.

    3: Even though he was nice to me (even funny and charming), I’m convinced Frenchy is a total ass. A prissy, never-mentally-left-high-school, narcissistic ass. Oh, and that “uck” word almost definitely started with an F. Even my roommate saw that one.

    4, no pun intended: I love Peterson, but maybe he just needs to take a staff position with the Braves. That way, Bobby can have him around as much as he wants, he can play Connect Four in the clubhouse, and he can occasionally provide us some of that hilarious miked commentary from the dugout.

    1. Jenny Avatar

      Okay, best comment ever. LOL @ the Lion King. I don’t know why, either, but it makes sense to me. There is never any reason for yelling at Heap.

      Even though he was nice to me (even funny and charming), I’m convinced Frenchy is a total ass.

      Yes! I swooned when I saw him in person, I’ll admit. He’s frighteningly appealing when he wants to be. But when I really think about it . . . all the Ass Alarms are sounding. Hopefully he’ll grow up a bit.

      maybe he just needs to take a staff position with the Braves

      As long as he’s not a hitting coach . . . I’m all for him being the Clubhouse Morale Manager/Bobby’s Sidekick.

  3. Brave Dawn Avatar

    Okay, I read somewhere that he said “you suck”, and got tossed because the boys in blue don’t like them using the personal pronoun in their pronouncements. I don’t think Frenchy is too prissy, just still has a lot of growing up to do. He does seem a little in love with his own sweet self, but then, don’t they all (except Heap, of course!)

    I’m sure Smoltzie apologized after the game, don’t you suppose? Just the heat of the moment and all that.

    Oh, the drama….

    1. thekatcameback Avatar

      I know, not from personal experience of course because I’m a particularly gentle soul, that refs do get very irritated about personal pronouns. And by “irritated” i mean “you” is a faster way to get thrown out of a game than zebra or even fuck.

      Heap drama makes me sad. But also amused, because every time he looks like a wounded, endangered animal, I love him even more.

    2. Jenny Avatar

      He does seem a little in love with his own sweet self, but then, don’t they all (except Heap, of course!)

      Of course! Another “so why are they best friends?” mystery.

      Oh, the drama, indeed. It’s all we have left to savor at this point (though they did win tonight! Go Buddy!).

      I want the apology on video, dammit!! ;)

      1. RainIsBeautiful Avatar

        Of course! Another “so why are they best friends?” mystery.
        They’ve said a few times that they balance each other out. Baby’s the yin to Frenchy’s yang.

        Last night, I was a bit surprised to see Baby as the only one out of the dugout to congratulate Matty’s 2-run blast last night. (Teix and Chipper were on deck; they don’t count.) I didn’t know they were such good friends, but it makes me happy that two of my boyfriends get along so well. :D

  4. Jenny Avatar

    Heap drama makes me sad. But also amused, because every time he looks like a wounded, endangered animal, I love him even more.

    Same here, really. The only thing that truly disturbs me is the Throw From Right. I can deal with Heap Drama, but not Potential Heap Injury.

  5. Tara Avatar

    Y’all effin’ crack me up!

    Jenny, love the blog posts. Your readers (I’m waaaay new ’round these parts, so I’m not on a first-name basis w/ any of ’em) are hilarious! And spot-on: Heap does look a bit like a baby deer at times.

    I can’t say that I agree or disagree with the opinion that Frenchie’s comin’ off like a total horse’s ass (cuz I’ve never met the boy) but I think I could see that happenin’. He’s still very young and was hawked by both baseball and football programs when he was in high school…that could really f*ck with a boy’s ego. But he’s still a hot piece, so I ain’t hatin’ on him for that.

    All I can say is that we need to come out w/ guns a’blazin’ the next 6 games. It’s time to show the NL East that we’re worthy of bein’ back on top!

    GO BRAVES!!!!

    P.S. — Everyone have a wonderful (& safe!) holiday weekend! :-D

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