V Vernacular

04/16/2008 (4:01 pm)

Something Cheerful

Filed under: Heap,Joey Devine

I haven’t posted in a week because I don’t know what to say. I was fairly certain that things would eventually go badly this year, but things went so immediately and overwhelmingly badly that jokes ain’t coming easy. But I found this lovely anecdote about Devy, who has been called up to the A’s, and thought I’d post it, to lift my own spirits if not anyone else’s.

Looks like he’s still getting dicked around by travel circumstances and prevailing — God bless you, Devy. If our bullpen is shit all year (which, yeah, not a stretch!), I will accept it as the curse of the albatross that we killed which was you. If that makes sense.

Also uplifting: Heap taking off his pants in the dugout. Disturbing, too, but still a sign of life.

01/13/2008 (4:43 pm)

Joey, I’m Not Angry Anymore

Filed under: Joey Devine

Let me take you through my day:

Actually, I’ll begin with last night. My husband I split a bottle of wine with dinner, so we went to bed pretty early. At some point during the night, my cell phone rang on the nightstand. It was my Braves Girlfriend who keeps me apprised of news. Too exhausted to have a proper conversation, I let it ring out and figured I would find out what had happened in the morning. Stupidly, I was excited at the prospect of news.

My phone rang two more times during the night, and I also received a text message. I figured at least one of those rings HAD to be the associate at my firm who wanted me to come in today, calling to say that his wife, who is expected to deliver their fifth child on Thursday, had gone into labor early, and therefore I would not have to come into work on goddamn Sunday. I spent the rest of the night happily anticipating listening to the voicemail he’d surely left, informing me of such.

Well, I got up in the morning and had two voicemail messages. The first was from Lauren. As soon as she said “guess who we just traded for Kot–” I whispered “Devy” in terror. Devy! Our first round draft pick, winner of the 2007 Southeastern Something or Other Award for Excellent Pitchmanship! And for what? The outfielder version of Mike Hampton, most notable only for having an especially hot wife! Which also makes him the outfielder version of Kris Benson! Which is also not good!

The second message was a guy sleepily saying “hello?” as if I had called him. And the text message said “who is this?” So I think, somehow, using my subconscious telekinetic sleepwalking powers, I called Devy in preemptive sorrow in the middle of the night. Cause there is no other explanation for that.

Oh, and I totally had to work today. Fuck!

Anyway, good for Devy escaping The Organization That Hates Him. Is there any way he could have been more mishandled? We threw him to the wolves in 2005, and after he heroically recovered from post-traumatic stress syndrome in 2006, we jerked him around shamefully in 2007. As much as I sometimes get annoyed with Billy Beane (which is more Michael Lewis’ obnoxiously worshipful book’s fault than Beane’s himself), I’m really glad Devy is headed out to O-Town if we can’t keep him (and I was never delusional enough to think that the Braves wouldn’t get rid of Devy, I was just hoping for at least a few months of watching him pitch in the majors — alas). Hopefully he and Huston Street (his new BFF, without a doubt) will kick ass together in the 8th and 9th.

So, to quote the Concrete Blonde song, “Joey,” which is entirely fitting for 2005 Devy if nothing else:

Joey, baby – don’t get crazy
Detours, fences … I get defensive
[. . .]
I just stand by and watch you
Fight your secret war!
[. . .]
Oh, Joey, if you’re hurting so am I!

[. . .]
And if you’re somewhere out there
Passed out on the floor,
Oh, Joey, I’m not angry anymore!


Oh, and Kotsay sucks. I’m starting to think this season is going to be “interesting,” folks.

Speaking of this season, this blog is still on hiatus, but I’ll be back to posting every day starting February 1st, and I’m going down to spring training from February 28th-March 2nd with my new camera, so I’ll have the inside scoop on who is going to which crappy Disney bars, etc.

By the way . . . people who were disappointed with FanFest: this is not the way to go at all! Huge fan conventions advertised on billboards are a waste of time! Go to the charity events. Yes, they are expensive, but let me tell you a little secret about rich people and the charity events they frequent: many of them feature OPEN BARS. And not only are you drinking at the open bar, the players who were forced to come are partaking as well. Can you put a price on leaning at the bar while Heap orders another Crown & Seven and complains to his agent about how long he has to stay? And don’t even get me started on what goes on in the women’s restroom at these things. You’re welcome in advance.

09/29/2007 (9:22 am)

Preach It, Frenchy

Filed under: Frenchy,Joey Devine

From last night’s AJC wrap:

Afterward, 23-year-old Francoeur praised some other, less-established Braves youngsters, including reliever Joey Devine, who got slugger Lance Berkman to fly out with the bases loaded to end the seventh inning.

Well, at least somebody has mentioned something in the press about the good work he’s done up here this year. Thank you, Frenchy.

I have to confess, I only watched the very end of the game last night . . . we were at a Thrashers pre-season game. Normally I hang in there until the end no matter what, and I’ll be watching today and Sunday’s game (last regular season game ever on TBS! Skip and Chip calling it!), but someone I work with gave me some great tickets for the Thrashers game, and though I missed a good outing by the Devinator, I’m not otherwise too upset that I didn’t get to see Frenchy and the Youngsters kick the asses of Beloved Old Biggio and the Gang.

I can’t believe Slappy McWifebeater was the one who officially ended our season. It was ironic, considering that we got our season off to such a great start against him. Oh, well. I’m actually rooting for the Phillies to get the division rather than the Mets . . . sort of. I hate the Phillies and their fans more on a personal level, but I was there for two games of that Labor Day weekend sweep by the Mets . . . and though it really mostly made me mad at the Braves for playing so horribly . . . I’d also like to see the Mets get their asses kicked here at the very end, even if it is by the Phillies. What can I say . . . they’re the Mets.

Sorry again that I’ve kind of flaked out here at the end of the season — I’m still adjusting to the new job schedule (as opposed to my old ‘get up at ten o’clock, update the blog, and watch reruns of Law and Order for the rest of the day’ schedule), and we’re officially under contract on the house we want to buy, so things are going to remain busy here for a bit longer, but soon I’ll be tossing up some end of season recap kind of material, so stay tuned.

09/23/2007 (10:13 am)


Filed under: Frenchy,Joey Devine

Irretrievable playoff race aside, yesterday was perfect. We went to the game, and much like the last game we went to in 2006 (where we also won in extra innings, thanks in large part to the other team’s defensive errors), it was the most fun we’d had at the park this season. FOUR Braves sang on the All Star of the Game feature (and Moylan made a homoerotic joke about Frenchy, bless him), there were extra innings, game-tying pinch hit homers, and for the love of God, DEVY WAS THE WINNING PITCHER!

I’ve been wanting to see Devy get some significant action all year, and Bobby finally put him into an intense situation, as he well should have, since Devy had just accepted an AA Pitcher of the Year award at a ceremony before the game. He got the first batter he faced, and then someone had the brilliant idea to walk the bases loaded (Bobby may be intentionally trying to drive the kid mad . . . the jury’s still out). Devy, predictably, had his panic attack. I was having a sympathy panic attack for him in the stands as well. I felt like I was watching a family member out there, teetering on the brink of insanity. The count went to 3-0, and walking a run in may have been worse for his psyche than giving up a slam (okay, it wouldn’t have been, but Slam Number Three was a distinct possibility, too, and like the time Frenchy fell over the side of the outfield wall and disappeared into the stands at the last game we went to in ’06, I was afraid I was about to witness the death of a favorite player, emotionally if not literally). The obnoxious teenagers next to me began to scream “YOU SUCK!” I considered physically harming them, but then . . .

Devy got out of it! Man, I went crazy. Best moment of the year for me personally. I was so, so proud of him. I had been begging Bobby (from the very back of section 410, maybe he heard me) to put him in, and he really did me proud. When they announced that he was the winning pitcher as we were walking out . . . I nearly teared up. Well, not really, but I considered the fact that tearing up would be appropriate. Truly, it was a triumph of the human spirit.

Also, one of them bought a yellow Corvette that looks exactly like Heap’s black one, and parked it next to his in the player’s lot. Until proven otherwise, it was Frenchy.

Really good game.

08/28/2007 (9:29 am)

Captain Obvious

Filed under: Diaz,Joey Devine

Matty on our postseason chances:

“… It’s up to us. We’re in it together. We’re gonna figure it out together. And if we don’t figure it out, we’re gonna do that together.”

Well, alright then. Good to know some of you won’t be seceding from the team if things go wrong.

Meanwhile, pardon me while I effing puke:

“I apologized to him,” Cox said of Devine, who struck out two in a scoreless inning Sunday at St. Louis. “He had a good outing.”

Devine has allowed one run and six hits with six strikeouts in five innings with the Braves between his frequent trips back and forth to the minors. Cox said the right-hander understands how the system works.

“They understand, but it’s still hard,” Cox said.

Meanwhile, the manager was glad to have back one of his favorites, Orr.

Christ. I hope they just sent Devy back to the McCann McMansion (his foster home in years past) to wait for the roster expansion this weekend. After the way they’ve dicked him around this season, they should just pay for his damn hotel room for the remaining two days in Miami, give him a little vacation, some meal money. Hell, they should have Dontrelle make a few calls, get him into some posh clubs. Though, actually, that might be a little too much pressure for the Devinator. Maybe they could just pay for an hour of parasailing, or a glass bottom boat cruise.*

*Do they have those in Miami? All of my beach experience is based in the Redneck Riviera, so . . .

08/27/2007 (11:25 am)

Keep Him In Line, Heap

Filed under: Joey Devine

Well, okay. Fine, Braves. If that’s the way you want to go out? Whatever. Cool. Great. I’ll just try to focus on the positive:

Together at last! Devy is the other guy I will make apologies for no matter what, in case you hadn’t noticed. I like the idea of these two as a battery. Heap kept him cool in his inning last night, even after he walked Pujols and gave up a hit — he gets it, and wrangled the Devinator back under control. Only enjoyable part of that game, really.

And we’ve got Scott “Crazy Eyes Killer” Olsen to look forward to tonight. Maybe they’ll brawl?

08/25/2007 (11:31 am)

“Life After Wickman”

Filed under: Joey Devine,Wicky

Wicky was DFA’d yesterday (what is my favorite past tense verb of all time? DFA’d. Not just in relation to this particular DFA’ing, and not that I particularly enjoy it when players get turned out on their asses – though I do usually favor cutting the slack sooner rather than later – it’s just fun to say). Andruw, God love him, immediately spills the dirt:

“If it’s not a save situation, he was not happy about it,” Andruw Jones said. “It’s not fair to the team. It’s not fair for the manager. The way he was going about his business, separate from everybody.

“We’re a team. Everybody has their own attitude. Everybody’s got their own feeling about each other. Everybody’s got their own way of going about their business. But when we put a uniform on and we’re all together, we’re all as one. And we need guys who want to go out there and perform.”

I love it when they go gossipy as soon as moves are made. I’m not at all surprised to hear this about Wickman. Last year he was our savior and seemed rather cuddly, but this year I could sense more of the attitude. And as if I wasn’t happy enough about letting him go, look who is up to take his roster spot:

“I feel like I’m back to being the old Joey Devine,” said the right-handed reliever, who registered three strikeouts in a perfect ninth inning for Triple-A Richmond on Thursday night.

Make me proud, Devy!

07/06/2007 (11:13 am)

Devy Watch 07

Filed under: Joey Devine

Days Devy has been on the major league roster in 07: 3
Times I have seen Devy pitch this season: 0

He did actually pitch one inning during his second day trip to the majors, but it was in a blowout loss that I had finally turned off in the 8th inning. Figures! Maybe he’ll see some action in the upcoming Padres series. Guess who got sent down to make room for Devy Dev?

“While Orr’s unselfishness and ever-positive attitude have been nothing but assets, his lack of offensive production has been a bit of a burden over the past two years.”

That’s definitely a nominee for Bowman Quote of the Year.

06/21/2007 (7:05 am)

I Can’t Believe I Watched the Whole Thing

Filed under: Frenchy,Joey Devine,McBride

Actually, I didn’t. I skipped the 9th, because watching that game had felt like a chore since the 1st. So of course I managed to miss the only things worth seeing: Devy pitching and Frenchy throwing Varitek out at third. Dammit. At least the Get The Hell Out of Our City Series is over. God knows what will happen against the Tigers, but after that we’ll see the Nationals . . who took a four game series from us last time we played them. Dammit.

The stuff about McBride leaving actually made me sad on the pre-game show, mostly because they featured Depressed Frenchy opining for friendships lost. Hmm. In exchange for our buddy McBaseOnBalls, we got another lefty reliever, a fellow by the name of Wilfredo. So I’ll be calling him Fredo, and hopefully I won’t have to bust out any stupid Godfather jokes, because, you know, they’ll only work if he’s bad.

Frenchy made me mad when he said he was looking forward to the off day. Normally I wouldn’t care, but lately he looks like he just wants to get his at-bats over with, and if he thinks an off day will solve his problems . . . well, I doubt it. Meanwhile, the shots of Andruw furiously shaving away his bat handle were disturbing. I’m sure it was a toothpick by the 9th, but then, I turned the game off in the 8th, so I wouldn’t know.

06/20/2007 (2:45 pm)

The Gang’s All Here!

Filed under: Joey Devine,McBride

Welcome back, Devy! According to Chop-n-Change, we just sent McBride packing and Dev’s up from the minors. I can’t say I’ll miss McBride all that much — his uncanny ability to forget how to pitch after getting two outs (or two strikes, if he was only called in to get one batter) was driving me crazy. I also can’t help feeling a little sorry for him when I try to imagine him pulling that crap with Leyland’s club, but good luck to him.

I can’t wait to hear what we got in return . . . and of course, I can’t wait for Devy’s major league antics to resume. Hopefully he’ll actually get to pitch this time.

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