V Vernacular

05/23/2007 (8:53 am)

Break Out the Free Agent Jokes: Scooter’s Gettin’ Hitched!

I have actual stuff to do at work today, since I’m blowing this popsicle stand next week and heading home to Atlanta after three long years in Athens (it may be the birthplace of Heap, but this town is not for me), but I’m still going to take time out of my workday to post, because oh my God, that game! That was another, “Gee, if I’m ever actually getting murdered in here, I guess my neighbors won’t call the cops,” classic. It had me screaming pretty loud, especially for Davies’ home run. And there were plenty of other developments yesterday, too.

Obviously, Heap and Frenchy freaking out over Davies’ home run made my night, and Davies trying to act all cool about it just made Those Two hopping around him even better. Sometimes I forget that these hulking major league ballplayers are actually a year younger than me, and then they break out the antics. I love it.

But boy are they growing up fast: Scooter has joined the engagement party! I commend Scoot for waiting until the right time, and always thought it was a little — unromantic? — that the other Baby Braves got engaged within about five minutes of Frenchy popping the question to his girlfriend. I always imagined it going a little something like this . . .

Frenchy: Hey Heap, she said yes!!
Heap: Yay!
Frenchy: So, let’s go celebrate!
Heap: ‘K, just one sec.
Heap: /dials phone
Heap’s girlfriend: Hey, what’s up!
Heap: Hey babe. Just wanted to let you know — we’re getting married.
Heap’s girlfriend: Wha–what?
Heap: Yeah, Frenchy just got engaged, so, looks like it’s about that time! Just wanted to give you the heads up.
Heap’s girlfriend: Uh . . . wha . . .
Heap: Maybe we could do a double wedding!
Heap’s girlfriend: /bursts into tears

Aw, maybe it wasn’t that bad, but it’s still funny that Frenchy set the whole thing off. Now that Scooter has jumped on the bandwagon, do we have any single Braves left? Who’s going to be our eligible heartthrob?

Wait, wait, what’s this? Redman is gone, and we’re bringing up Dreamboat Devy, in all his emotionally fragile number one draft pick glory! Hopefully he’s recovered from everything we put him through in 2005 — he’s been leading the Southern AA League in saves, and looked a lot more comfortable coming out of the pen when we brought him up for the roster expansion last September. Supposedly he’s only up for a short time, until we figure out who our fifth starter is, but if I know this team, he’ll be up for good if he shows any promise out of the pen. Salty was supposed to be temporary, too, but who can resist keeping another pretty face on the roster?

05/13/2007 (3:41 pm)

Some Site News

Filed under: Joey Devine,Salty

Over the weekend, I was invited to join Martin at Talking Chop, so I’ll now be covering media-related stories over there. I’ll still post to this blog regularly, just not every day. Between the two blogs I will probably post close to every day, so you’ll hear from me one way or another. I’m really excited about contributing to Talking Chop, and thanks again to Martin for the offer!

The game this afternoon gave me a headache. I felt sorry for poor Salty — not only did they make him wear that goofy getup, he had to catch some truly awful pitching. I’m sure Heap at least had a laugh over the pink chest protector. I’m ready to send Barry back down in favor of Devine, who is leading the Southern AA League in saves. Joey has had his issues in the majors, but Barry looked absolutely lost out there. Hopefully Lerew’s problems stemmed just from having so many friends and family members attending the game and putting too much pressure on himself. If not, I guess we’ve got Cormier in the wings . . .

On to Washington. I’m definitely in the mood for a long series against the Nationals after today.

03/17/2007 (3:58 pm)

One Week At Disney and Skip Is Already Contemplating Murder

How awful were those green hats? I was embarrassed for everyone involved.

We lost to the Cards this afternoon, but no big deal — Smoltz got hit but he looked fine, Wicky looked sort of terrible. I have a bad feeling about Wicky this season, I don’t know. I hope I’m wrong. Anyway, we were on pace with the Cards for most of the game, hitting Looper pretty well (Wilson homered, Frenchy went 2-3, Thor displayed some amusing baserunning after hitting a triple), then the consistently horrible Jonathon Johnson (where did he come from and why?) threw the game away at the end. Last night we tied the Cards, and to be honest I don’t remember much of it, as I celebrated St. Patrick’s Day early this year. One thing I do remember: the announcers mentioned that Kelly got some tips on his stance from Heap. I love it. When Bobby retires, I think we need to reinstate the old player-manager role and just let Heap whip everybody into shape.

I noticed the commercials for Sports South’s pre- and post-game Braves features for the first time today. I guess it will be similar to the old “Dodge Braves Report” and the “Around the South” that followed the game, but it should be interesting to see what they do with it. Their spring training broadcasts are really interview-heavy (sticking headsets on players as soon as they leave the game and speaking with them for quite awhile), and I normally like this sort of thing, but I wonder if they’re going to do it throughout the regular season? It seems like the players would get tired of it pretty quick. I do hope TBS continues making players wear mikes on the field from time to time . . . really enjoyed Diaz talking about time travel in the dugout last year, and everyone staring at him like he was insane. I also loved how Heap went completely silent when he was miked, to the point that Smoltz walked by and told him he should “probably say something.”

Skip was pretty great today (I muted the Sports South broadcast, sorry Joe), making fun of the way the horrid Disney PA announcer says “Thorman” and adding that “no jury in the world would convict you if you shot this PA man.” I don’t blame him; the Disney-fied park antics annoy me even from my couch. And what was up with playing the Star Wars theme when Smoltz came up to bat? Skip mentioned something about the players’ hotel, and said that they stayed in “the Safari hotel” last year. I can’t believe they stick them in the theme hotels! How great would be it if they made them stay in this one? Maybe the minor leaguers have to stay there as part of their hazing. That place looks nightmare-inducing — could that be what happened to poor Joey?

03/14/2007 (7:50 am)

Open-Minded Frenchy??

The game last night was a fun one to watch, despite the rookie pitcher Acosta who threw it away in the 9th.

Bobby probably has Nam Flashback-like memories of pulling pitchers after last year — he didn’t look too happy when he had to take Acosta out in the 9th.

Hitting looked good, relief pitching was excellent (until Acosta and the random rook who followed), and Huddy was, well, pretty good. Not bad, I guess. He still looks shaky with his location, and he gave up some hits and two runs. I don’t know — he wasn’t bad, but he looked an awful lot like the Huddy of last season, which makes me nervous.

Last night was the first Sports South broadcast of the season, and our first look at Jon Sciambi, the new announcer who will be working with Joe. To be honest, I found myself tuning them both out. Not intentionally, but the broadcast didn’t really captivate me. I did like their interviews with Frenchy, Chipper and Heap from the dugout. Hopefully these broadcasts will liven up a little bit throughout the season — one of my favorite broadcast moments of last season was Joe screaming, with complete sincerity, “OH MY GOD, LOOK AT THOSE COOKIES!” during a shot of the Devil Rays’ Lexus-Level type buffet area, which featured a giant tray of chocolate chip cookies. I also love Cynical Joe, who was of course constantly present after June last season, and in fact morphed into Angry Joe toward the end of the year. I actually thought he was going to physically attack Don Sutton a few times.

During the dugout interview with Frenchy, I almost fell off the couch when he said — TWICE — that he watched tapes of Heap hitting in the offseason! No wonder he’s been consistent during spring training. I’m really impressed that he would swallow his pride and do that, and especially admit to it, good job, Frenchy. Chipper said that his foot was fine, he could have stayed in the game Monday but didn’t want to risk it, and also mentioned that he works on his swing with his dad, which is interesting. Heap of course had them both beat, bringing up his engagement and saying he “found the right woman,” then blaming himself for being bad luck when the Astros got the lead during his interview. Aw, Heap, don’t be so hard on yourself.

In other news, they cut poor, beleaguered Joey yesterday. Hopefully he’ll come back later this season with some confidence, or at least looking less like he thinks the other players are giant spiders who want to eat him.

03/03/2007 (7:27 pm)

Bobby Has Heard A Lot About Prague

The AJC is reporting that Bobby will retire after 2008. I think that seems about right. I’m not ready to see him go next year, but the year after that, it might be interesting to have someone new take over. I’d of course like Jim Leyland, but he’ll probably retire with the Tigers. I’d rather not see Terry try to take over . . . I like him, but he seems like a pushover (at least with the way he’s allowed Frenchy to behave so willfully when it comes to plate discipline). I’m ready to have a real hard ass in there. I think Bobby used to be a hard ass, but as the kids on the team get closer to the age of his own children, I don’t know. There are some signs that he’s loosened up on them, such as Frenchy playing 162 games last year. I also think he has his favorites and can be pretty subjective in sticking with certain guys he likes, and I’d like to see more of a bottom line kind of guy in there.

The best thing about Bobby seems to be the respect he has for his players. He’s not egotistical or petty and he stands up for his team. Whatever he decides to do, he’ll be leaving behind an amazing legacy.

The game today was pretty dull, and we lost to the Astros, which is always humiliating, even in spring training. Joey had a weird inning where he hit two batters back to back, and almost hit a third. Can someone get the poor dear into therapy? And can whoever signed him up to pitch against the Astros today and not the Dodgers yesterday please get kicked in the balls? I don’t think he needs any 2005 postseason memories right at the moment.

How much have I missed screaming “YOU TELL HIM, HEAP!” every time he goes out to the mound for a conference? A lot. And this Johnson guy stinks, I don’t care how moving his sob story is. I got my heart broken by Ray and his traumatic everything last season, and I don’t think we need a repeat performance.

That’s the Huddy we know and love! Or at least, the Huddy we once heard good things about out of Oakland.

In other news, Heap is now making more money than Frenchy. Discounting endorsements, of course (and I can’t wait until Heap gets endorsement deals — the day he starts showing up in cheesy commercials for local hot wing restaurants is going to be a very good one indeed). But anyway, it’s nice to see someone in the organization finally acknowledge, even in a subtle way, that Frenchy’s 2006 was lacking. Maybe this will motivate him to grow up a little bit and shut the hell up about his aggressiveness.

02/20/2007 (6:40 pm)

Andruw’s Culinary Adventures

Andruw has arrived at camp, amid lots of questions and speculation about what he’ll do next season. I’m sure it’s on his nerves, and it’s damn well started to get on mine. It’s unlikely that he knows what he’s going to do at this point, and even if he did, he’s not going to talk about it. Not now, not after the All-Star break, probably not until the offseason.

I’m much more interested in talk of his weight loss, personally. Apparently he gained an extra twenty pounds in Japan because the guys ate KFC and McDonald’s every day while they were over there for their All-Star game. Geez, he could have at least tried Kobe steak or some shrimp tempura. But anyway, the story is that he bet his wife he could lose weight faster than her, and she won because he was “partying.” Nicole Jones is my favorite Braves wife by far, and I appreciate her scheme to get Andruw at least relatively back in shape. Smoltz claims Andruw looks like he did in 2005, a career year for him, so hopefully he’ll give us a season to remember him by, just in case he does leave.

Tons of great pictures from Yahoo Sports

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