Break Out the Free Agent Jokes: Scooter’s Gettin’ Hitched!

I have actual stuff to do at work today, since I’m blowing this popsicle stand next week and heading home to Atlanta after three long years in Athens (it may be the birthplace of Heap, but this town is not for me), but I’m still going to take time out of my workday to post, because oh my God, that game! That was another, “Gee, if I’m ever actually getting murdered in here, I guess my neighbors won’t call the cops,” classic. It had me screaming pretty loud, especially for Davies’ home run. And there were plenty of other developments yesterday, too.

Obviously, Heap and Frenchy freaking out over Davies’ home run made my night, and Davies trying to act all cool about it just made Those Two hopping around him even better. Sometimes I forget that these hulking major league ballplayers are actually a year younger than me, and then they break out the antics. I love it.

But boy are they growing up fast: Scooter has joined the engagement party! I commend Scoot for waiting until the right time, and always thought it was a little — unromantic? — that the other Baby Braves got engaged within about five minutes of Frenchy popping the question to his girlfriend. I always imagined it going a little something like this . . .

Frenchy: Hey Heap, she said yes!!
Heap: Yay!
Frenchy: So, let’s go celebrate!
Heap: ‘K, just one sec.
Heap: /dials phone
Heap’s girlfriend: Hey, what’s up!
Heap: Hey babe. Just wanted to let you know — we’re getting married.
Heap’s girlfriend: Wha–what?
Heap: Yeah, Frenchy just got engaged, so, looks like it’s about that time! Just wanted to give you the heads up.
Heap’s girlfriend: Uh . . . wha . . .
Heap: Maybe we could do a double wedding!
Heap’s girlfriend: /bursts into tears

Aw, maybe it wasn’t that bad, but it’s still funny that Frenchy set the whole thing off. Now that Scooter has jumped on the bandwagon, do we have any single Braves left? Who’s going to be our eligible heartthrob?

Wait, wait, what’s this? Redman is gone, and we’re bringing up Dreamboat Devy, in all his emotionally fragile number one draft pick glory! Hopefully he’s recovered from everything we put him through in 2005 — he’s been leading the Southern AA League in saves, and looked a lot more comfortable coming out of the pen when we brought him up for the roster expansion last September. Supposedly he’s only up for a short time, until we figure out who our fifth starter is, but if I know this team, he’ll be up for good if he shows any promise out of the pen. Salty was supposed to be temporary, too, but who can resist keeping another pretty face on the roster?

Published by Jenny

a.k.a.: Velcro Vernacular <info@talkingchop.com>

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9 Comments

  1. I seriously hope the AJC and/or ChopTalk do a spread on these Baby Braves weddings. It would be fun to see that. Of course, it wouldn’t be like really attending the actual weddings, but it could be the next best thing. Although, I’m sure Jeff wouldn’t care if you came to his wedding or not because he’s supposed to have over 400-something guests anyway. He wouldn’t remember if he knew you or not, lol.

    Actually, according to the Braves site, Devine’s bio says he is single. I guess if he stays up showing promise from the pen, he’ll be our next eligible bachelor. You still can’t replace the Baby Braves though even if they are growing up.

    I would love to have that on video of that McFrenchy moment in the dugout after Davies’ homer. I would love to also read a transcript of the after-game chatter from that game. Davies was even returning the favor of ragging Huddy after Huddy ragged on him.

    When Davies showed up at his locker, he politely asked reporters to hold off on their questions until he got dressed. Fellow pitcher Tim Hudson couldn’t resist chiming in, “Oh, now you tell them to wait, when you’ve just hit a homer.”

    Davies responded quickly: “Oh, he’s just mad because he didn’t hit one.”

    Then Frenchy’s once-in-a-blue-moon comment was added into the mix. (“Once in a blue moon, he’ll connect for one,” Francoeur said, making sure to speak loud enough for Davies to hear.) I’d love to hear their conversations sometimes. It would amuse me greatly. I’m sure there is never a dull moment with any of them.

    I hope Saturday’s game is just as good since I’m going to it, but it will take a lot to top last night’s game. I’m sure Redman being gone put the team in good spirits as well as us, too.

    1. You still can’t replace the Baby Braves though even if they are growing up.

      I consider Joey an honorary Baby Brave . . . he lived in the McMansion for a little while.

  2. You don’t watch Scrubs by any chance do ya? I swear, the way you write up Francoeur and McCann, they would be like having J.D. and Turk around, especially when Turk comes back from his honeymoon.

    —-

    There’s a honking outside: Beep beep-beep beep beep….

    J.D.: ‘Scuse me.

    He cocks an ear.

    Beep beep!

    J.D.: [giddy] Turk’s back from his honeymoon!

    He rushes down the hall, leaping and clicking his heels.

    Molly: Nice to meet you…!

    Cut to…
    PARKING LOT
    Turk and Carla are getting out of their cab.
    J.D. attracts their attention from the window.

    J.D.: [waving] TURK! HEY!

    Turk gives his new bride a suppliant look.

    Carla: Go ahead.

    Turk: JAAAAAAAY DEEEEEEEE!

    He excitedly rushes to the front door, sharing his exuberance with a passing visitor.

    Turk: Whooooa, J.D.! J.D.!

    Carla: Maybe some day he’ll love me like that.

    J.D. rushes out the door, sharing _his_ exuberance with another passing visitor.

    J.D.: He’s here! TURK!

    Turk sticks his head out the window where J.D. had been.

    Turk: JAAAAAAAY DEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

    J.D.: TUUUUUUUUUUUURK!

    He rushes back into the building.
    They stick their heads out different windows.

    J.D.: TURK?!

    Turk: J.D.!

    They go back in and try two more windows.

    Turk: J.D.?!

    J.D.: TURK!

    They go back in….
    And find themselves at windows just a room apart.

    Turk: DUDE!

    J.D.: Stay right there! I’m so excited!

    Turk screeches with excitement and waits as J.D. goes back in….
    And re-emerges from the window above.

    J.D.: AWWWW, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

    Turk: The roof!

    J.D.: I’LL HOLLA!

    The each go back in….
    And end up on different levels of the roof.

    Turk: ALL RIGHT, LOOK, FROM NOW ON, WE’RE CALLING THIS “ROOF A”.

    J.D.: GOT IT!

    They go back in….

    HALL
    They run at each other from different ends, and somehow pass each other.
    Carla, now dressed in her scrubs and back to work, stands between them looking bored.

    J.D.: TURK!

    They quickly run back to meet, giggling like schoolgirls, Turk catching J.D. in his arms.

    1. Haha! I’ve never seen it, but I remember Martin comparing them to those two before. That sounds about right. I can picture Heap and Frenchy calling each other while they’re on their honeymoons and like, telling each other what they had for dinner.

  3. McCann got engaged in the off-season — it just wasn’t announced to the public until after the 07 season started. Frenchy’s getting married in November and McCann’s wedding is the first weekend of December. I heard that straight from the horses’ mouths. ;)

    1. Neat — I knew Frenchy’s was in November, but I wasn’t sure when Heap was having his. I still say they should have gone with a double wedding!! ;)

      Are you friends with one of the fiancees or something?

  4. Don’t know the fiancees, but I talked to both McCann and Frenchy a few months back at a golf course. McCann smells lovely, in spite of his “Pig Pen” nicknames. He even let us take a picture. :)

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