V Vernacular

04/30/2008 (9:03 am)

Another Loss to the Nationals

Filed under: Diaz,Frenchy

Oh man. Talk of Smoltz returning to the bullpen. I laughed when it was Barry Zito; perhaps this is karma coming back to haunt me.

I don’t know what to say about this season so far. I thought we would at least have one of those excitingly awful years. You know what I mean? Where you’re so low that it just starts to get hilarious? But there’s a zombie quality to this team right now that prevents even that. Also, they occasionally win games and get my hopes up. Maybe kicking some ass would turn things around:

I mean kicking ass the old fashioned way, since we can’t seem to do it the baseball way: grab someone’s head and pop ‘em in the face! Matty has the right idea here. I still say a long overdue inaugural Baby Braves brawl would solve all our problems.

And one more thing:


Umpire: Frenchy. I am your father.
Frenchy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

04/16/2008 (4:01 pm)

Something Cheerful

Filed under: Heap,Joey Devine

I haven’t posted in a week because I don’t know what to say. I was fairly certain that things would eventually go badly this year, but things went so immediately and overwhelmingly badly that jokes ain’t coming easy. But I found this lovely anecdote about Devy, who has been called up to the A’s, and thought I’d post it, to lift my own spirits if not anyone else’s.

Looks like he’s still getting dicked around by travel circumstances and prevailing — God bless you, Devy. If our bullpen is shit all year (which, yeah, not a stretch!), I will accept it as the curse of the albatross that we killed which was you. If that makes sense.

Also uplifting: Heap taking off his pants in the dugout. Disturbing, too, but still a sign of life.

04/10/2008 (12:45 pm)

It’s A Getaway Day Miracle

Filed under: Holidays

This is the first good news this team has had in awhile.

Get them the hell out of Colorado! On second thought, I won’t feel good about this until the plane has landed safely in Washington D.C.

04/07/2008 (8:29 am)

Good Day at Turner

Filed under: Field Trips

I was pretty unenthusiastic about getting out to Turner this year, as compared to years past. I missed the home opener, and we left for the field only thirty minutes before the game started on Sunday (in 2006, at the height of what could perhaps be called my Issues, I was fond of arriving for a night game at two o’clock in the afternoon). But once I got through the gates and heard the national anthem being sung out on the field, I went into frantic near-running mode and zipped through the crowd to make it to our seats before the first pitch. We sat in the Golden Moon Casino Level, and our section was great. We had a few Mets fans beside us, but they were old and cantankerous, and their miserable silence added to our joy.

The best part of the game was in the eighth, right before Tex hit the homer. A little kid a few sections over was screaming “Let’s go Braves!” at the top of his four year old lungs, and everyone in the surrounding sections was clapping along with his chant. The fake loudspeaker cheers only once attempted to drown this out, and failed. Generally the sound effects and awful music seemed less intrusive than it did last year. The players even had less annoying entrance songs. Heap’s was . . . interesting, and Frenchy’s was the usual hardcore country, something about watching airplanes.

The only real changes I saw to what used to be the Lexus Level were that they replaced Moe’s with a Chick-Fil-A, which is a good move, though I suppose Chick-Fil-A won’t be open for Sunday games (it’s still under construction at the moment), and there was an ice cream place that may or may not have been there last year.

Everything but the crowd seemed a little bit muted, which was needed and nice. The Braves girls were even prettier! They have an Asian one now! Though they still have that one really scary squad leader with the big hair who looks like she may lead the robot revolution someday. They also dumped Jeff Dollar for a slightly less offensive looking in-game entertainment dude, though he’s still a long way from eye candy for the ladies. I guess we’ve got the ballplayers for that.

A win on getaway day is always especially satisfying, and it was great just to hear the announcer declare Smoltz as the winning pitcher as we streamed out. I’m glad my first Turner experience of 2008 was such a good one. I’ll be back for the A’s series to hopefully cheer on a vengeful Mr. Devine — though I’ve got to admit, Kotsay is impressing me so far. Who knew?

04/04/2008 (8:18 am)

A Bleak End to a Bleak Series

Filed under: Diaz,Hampton

One run, extra-inning losses. Hampton strains a boob five minutes before game time and this is what we get: more of last year. Let’s hope Eliot was right about April being the cruelest month. If this is how we look against the Pirates at the start of the season, imagine what we’ll look like when our perennial nemesis June rolls around.


Hyde from That 70’s Show tried to liven things up at one point by charging the field. I don’t know if anyone else caught Joe reminiscing about the days at Yankee Stadium when the security guards would just kick your ass instead of sending you to jail (who knows if this is even accurate, or just some Joe fantasy), but he was disturbingly nostalgic about it, true to form.


The only really shining moment, for me, was Matty’s hilarious take out of Jack Wilson. Who knew he had it in him? Matty just gets more impressive every day.

Meanwhile, Ted Turner envisions the end of the world. I think he just read The Road, had a drunken nightmare and immediately called a press conference. Nevertheless: Ted. We miss your money. Though our bargain bullpen isn’t the entirety of the problem at the moment, clearly.

04/01/2008 (6:25 pm)

Post-Opening

Filed under: Frenchy,Heap,Skip

Two things that are kinda breaking my heart right now:

1. The idea that we don’t have too much longer with Skip on the radio. He’s cutting back his travel due to health reasons, and it’s forcing me to think about years ahead, when we won’t even have him for home games. I’m much more sentimental about Skip than I am about any Braves player (with the possible exception of the Lemmer), and when he did his “a fan from Douglasville comes away with a souvenir” bit last night, it seemed like okay, now the season has begun (even when he went on to bust my balls for being a blogger who doesn’t like Glavine, haha). One of my favorite Skip memories is from late 2006, when we were well out of the races. I was working on some research for my thesis with the game on in the background, my husband was out with some friends, and as the game got shittier and weirder (it was the night of Heap’s first ejection), Skip and Pete just threw caution to the wind and starting talking about the old radio call in show that Skip did, which I miss so much. They basically just dissolved into laughter for five minutes toward the end of the game, and I was cracking up along with them, remembering the rednecks who used to call in, and how Skip would unapologetically tell them they were idiots. I’m really grateful that he’s broadcasting at all in 2008, and I really hope he’ll be back next year.

2. This bullshit:

!!!