V Vernacular

05/14/2008 (8:00 am)

Andruw: Still Breaking My Heart

Filed under: Andruw,Ex-Braves,Frenchy,Heap

I have this thing about inanimate objects, probably from watching The Brave Little Toaster too many times as a kid. I believe they should be treated with a certain degree of respect. I don’t like it when people smash guitars, and I hate that scene in Office Space when they beat up the copier. So as I’m reading through this article about Andruw’s continued struggles, I’m feeling a little sorry for him, but also relieved we don’t have to deal with it anymore, and then I come to this quote:

“. . . I’m not going to break stuff because I strike out. It’s not the bat’s fault; it’s not the helmet’s fault.”

And that kinda crushed me. What the hell happened to him, anyway?

In happier ex-Brave news, here’s a cheerful article about Devy doing well in the A’s bullpen, and making friends with fellow Braves alum Alan Embree. He recently got a win after pitching a scoreless tenth. I hope he’ll pitch in this upcoming series with Oakland. Having Kotsay on the team has been surprisingly helpful, and I’m actually glad to see Devy doing well with another team. It came to the point where I didn’t trust this one with him.

And speaking of this team. Last night. Psssh. Many thanks to Lauren for recording one of the few worthwhile moments, as I was in the car when this happened, and would have been heartbroken forever if I didn’t get to see the Dugout Reconciliation of ’08.

05/12/2008 (8:25 pm)

Your Frenchy Moment of Zen

Filed under: Frenchy

There are few things that make me as happy as Frenchy running:

Especially when he’s tracking down a ball in right, oh man. Lauren, that idea for a blog called OMG FRENCHY!!! with just one of these pictures posted per day was actually really brilliant, but, in a way, maybe this blog is already that blog. On a good day.

05/11/2008 (8:36 am)

Wyatt Earp

Filed under: Announcers,Frenchy,Pete

That story last night about LaRoche wanting to meet Wyatt Earp is the reason I will always listen to the radio, even it’s lagging a full inning behind the television broadcast. Well played, Mr. Van Wieren.

In shocking news: I agree with Dave O’Brien! I love Frenchy and look forward to seeing him play, but enough is enough, Bobby. He can sit once in awhile. Though actually, now may not be the time. I think Lauren’s picture vividly captures the look I’ve been noticing on him a lot this season. I don’t know if this amounts to “bench him” or “don’t even look at him the wrong way,” but regardless, I’m going to take a wild guess that he’ll play every game this season as long as he’s at least semi-physically able.

05/07/2008 (4:18 pm)

Kissgate ’08

Filed under: Frenchy,Heap,Skip

Man, did Sports South make a big deal about Frenchy kissing Kotsay on Sunday! How many times did they replay it? I counted at least three. I was waiting for a slow motion replay with commentary about his technique.

Personally, I found nothing especially hilarious about it. It’s pretty much in line with what we know about Frenchy already, and in terms of weird, intriguing things that Frenchy has done in the dugout, it ranks below some of the looks I’ve seen on his face this season in terms of significance. I guess it is a sign that perhaps he is coming out what has looked like a deep depression? Or a sign that he’s lost his mind entirely. Hmm.

I did enjoy the fact that, after the second replay, they cut back to the dugout at present, where Frenchy was sitting next to Heap, who was furiously biting his nails. Now that’s comedy.

In other news, I thought Skip was being a little mean to Chip on the radio last night, and I happened upon Chip being interviewed on 94.9 this morning on the way to work . . . someone called in and said the same thing! Chip did not deny it.

04/30/2008 (9:03 am)

Another Loss to the Nationals

Filed under: Diaz,Frenchy

Oh man. Talk of Smoltz returning to the bullpen. I laughed when it was Barry Zito; perhaps this is karma coming back to haunt me.

I don’t know what to say about this season so far. I thought we would at least have one of those excitingly awful years. You know what I mean? Where you’re so low that it just starts to get hilarious? But there’s a zombie quality to this team right now that prevents even that. Also, they occasionally win games and get my hopes up. Maybe kicking some ass would turn things around:

I mean kicking ass the old fashioned way, since we can’t seem to do it the baseball way: grab someone’s head and pop ‘em in the face! Matty has the right idea here. I still say a long overdue inaugural Baby Braves brawl would solve all our problems.

And one more thing:


Umpire: Frenchy. I am your father.
Frenchy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

04/01/2008 (6:25 pm)

Post-Opening

Filed under: Frenchy,Heap,Skip

Two things that are kinda breaking my heart right now:

1. The idea that we don’t have too much longer with Skip on the radio. He’s cutting back his travel due to health reasons, and it’s forcing me to think about years ahead, when we won’t even have him for home games. I’m much more sentimental about Skip than I am about any Braves player (with the possible exception of the Lemmer), and when he did his “a fan from Douglasville comes away with a souvenir” bit last night, it seemed like okay, now the season has begun (even when he went on to bust my balls for being a blogger who doesn’t like Glavine, haha). One of my favorite Skip memories is from late 2006, when we were well out of the races. I was working on some research for my thesis with the game on in the background, my husband was out with some friends, and as the game got shittier and weirder (it was the night of Heap’s first ejection), Skip and Pete just threw caution to the wind and starting talking about the old radio call in show that Skip did, which I miss so much. They basically just dissolved into laughter for five minutes toward the end of the game, and I was cracking up along with them, remembering the rednecks who used to call in, and how Skip would unapologetically tell them they were idiots. I’m really grateful that he’s broadcasting at all in 2008, and I really hope he’ll be back next year.

2. This bullshit:

!!!

03/27/2008 (3:49 pm)

Frenchy Media Goodies

Filed under: Frenchy,Preseason

As you can see, Frenchy is not the only thing that got wider in 2008 — I’ve made the blog fat so I can post bigger pictures. I just thought I should address that, in case anyone was startled.

I stayed home from work this afternoon to watch the game. Oliver Perez did his best to seriously injure himself (I was expecting a lightening storm to blow in after the face plant and his troubles with navigating those tricky dugout stairs didn’t faze him), but otherwise it was pretty dull, though they did interview Bobby, Frenchy and Glavine. Bobby seemed pretty annoyed to have to deal with the ESPN “personalities” while he was trying to watch the game and make important backup catcher decisions, and actually, shockingly, so did Frenchy! I’ve only seen a few 2008 interviews with Frenchy, but he seems kind of cynical and over it, still polite, but not as enthusiastic about answering the same Smoltz/Tiger/golf questions 10,000 times as he has been in years past. I can’t blame him for that.

I am kind of disappointed that he obviously had his wife write this for him (she’s an English teacher who used to write his papers for him in high school). It could have been really funny, but I suppose he is a busy guy with a lot on his mind.

02/27/2008 (10:03 pm)

Headed to Orlando/Kissimmee/Buena VistaLand

Filed under: Frenchy,Heap,Preseason

We’re leaving for spring training bright and early tomorrow morning — any requests? I’m not sure what I mean by that, but probably pictures.

Speaking of pictures, check it:

Heap never fails to find the ugliest sunglasses of all time and wear them with pride. I can’t wait to again witness this phenomenon in person.

02/11/2008 (8:30 pm)

“Big Daddy, As They Call Him”

Filed under: Frenchy,Preseason

Check out the latest Frenchy interview.

The staging is extremely uncomfortable. It seems like three guys just cornered him with a bunch of inane questions (give it a fucking rest with the SI cover already) as he was leaving the men’s room in a fancy hotel. He looks nervous/unhappy/annoyed.

Praying at college bowl games and being threatened into obedience by the likes of Truett Cathy — it’s pretty much exactly how I imagined Frenchy’s offseason life.

Don’t forget to shed a McFrenchy tear when he mentions the second person who called to congratulate him on signing with the Braves!

02/01/2008 (9:42 pm)

Pitchers, Catchers, and Frenchy (and Andruw)

Filed under: Frenchy,Heap,Preseason

Today is the one year anniversary of this blog, and it’s also the first day of voluntary “show up at Turner Field and dick around” day for the Braves. Well, that’s not true: the pitchers and catchers are there doing important work to prepare for spring training and the 2008 season. Frenchy, on the other hand, just showed up because he heard the AJC would be taking pictures.

But hey, that’s why I love Frenchy. I’m excited about the new season, and it’s fun just to think about the guys working out at the field while Roger furiously takes notes in his little diary. There are so many preseason issues to discuss, I don’t know where to start. All I can think at the moment is:

Heap . . .

Don’t let Frenchy cut your hair.

I’ll be posting every day from here on out, and I have a lot I want to talk about before spring training starts. But to commemorate this blog’s first full year in operation, I think just posting the first Frenchy ‘n Heap picture of the season is appropriate. (That’s Frenchy’s butt on the left.) Perhaps the first picture of These Two can be looked upon to determine the quality of the season ahead. If so: Frenchy’s butt, Heap with dorky hair. I’m not exactly sure, but I think that means we’ll get the Wild Card and lose the NLCS to the Reds. BRING IT ON.

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